How To Feed Your Cat A Capsule:
Choose cat up and cradle it within the criminal of your left arm as if holding a child. Place proper forefinger and thumb on both aspect of cat’s mouth and gently apply strain to cheeks whereas holding capsule in proper hand. As cat opens mouth, pop capsule into mouth. Permit cat to shut mouth and swallow.
Retrieve capsule from ground and cat from behind couch. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat course of.
Retrieve cat from bed room, and throw soggy capsule away.
Take new capsule from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Drive jaws open and push capsule to again of mouth with proper forefinger. Maintain mouth shut for a rely of ten.
Retrieve capsule from goldfish bowl and cat from prime of wardrobe. Name partner from backyard.
Kneel on ground with cat wedged firmly between knees, maintain entrance and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get partner to carry head firmly with one hand whereas forcing picket ruler into mouth. Drop capsule down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.
Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get one other capsule from foil wrap. Make word to purchase new ruler and restore curtains. Rigorously sweep shattered collectible figurines and vases from fireplace and set to at least one aspect for gluing later.
Wrap cat in giant towel and get partner to lie on cat with head simply seen from under armpit. Put capsule inside finish of consuming straw, pressure mouth open with pencil and blow down consuming straw.
Test label to ensure capsule not dangerous to people, drink 1 beer to take style away. Apply Band-Support to partner’s forearm and take away blood from carpet with chilly water and cleaning soap.
Retrieve cat from neighbor’s shed. Get one other capsule. Open one other beer. Place cat in cabinet, and shut door onto neck, to go away head displaying. Drive mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick capsule down throat with elastic band.
Fetch screwdriver from storage and put cabinet door again on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. apply chilly compress to cheek and verify data for date of final tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss again one other shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bed room.
Name fireplace brigade to retrieve the f—— cat from tree throughout the street. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence whereas swerving to keep away from cat. Take final capsule from foil-wrap.
Tie the little b**tard’s entrance paws to rear paws with backyard twine and bind tightly to leg of eating desk, discover heavy obligation pruning gloves from shed. Push capsule into mouth adopted by giant piece of steak filet. Be tough about it. Maintain head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to clean capsule down.
Devour the rest of Scotch. Get partner to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly whereas physician stitches fingers and forearm and take away capsule remnants from proper eye. Name furnishings store on manner dwelling to order new desk.
How To Feed Your Canine A Capsule:
Wrap it in cheese.