AITA for Refusing to Reconnect with My Family After My Brother Came Out?

I (28F) have a brother, let’s call him Mark (30M). From the get-go, he was the “golden child.” You know, the one who could do no wrong, the one everyone adored. Meanwhile, I was considered the “oops baby” – I wasn’t wanted, and growing up, my parents always made me feel like a burden. They were disappointed when I was born (yeah, that stings to admit), and I was just… well, I guess not the easy child. In contrast, Mark was the picture-perfect son who could do no wrong.

Mark and I never got along. In fact, he was downright mean to me. He made my life a living hell growing up. He’d steal stuff and blame it on me, and my parents would always believe him. If anything went wrong in the family, I was the one who took the fall. I was constantly bullied by him, and even my friendships were sabotaged because of him. He had a knack for turning my friends against me. So yeah, the sibling relationship was pretty much non-existent, and I always felt like the black sheep.

Almost all siblings will scrap at some point, but things usually calm down once they’re adults

That wasn’t the case for a woman who spent her entire youth being bullied and harassed by her golden child brother

When I went to college, I thought things would finally get better, but they didn’t. My parents stayed in touch with Mark, but I barely heard from them. They were always talking about his achievements, while I was off trying to make my way through life. I didn’t get any financial support or even emotional support from them, even though I was doing everything I could to get ahead. But it was clear: Mark was their priority.

Now, fast forward a few years. I’m married, living in another state, and expecting my second child. And as much as I’ve worked on building a life for myself and my family, there’s always this looming shadow of my past with my parents and my brother.

The Plot Twist:

Out of nowhere, I get a message from Mark. Apparently, he’s come out as gay, and my parents are not happy about it. But here’s the kicker: they said they’ll disown him unless he fixes things with me. Why? Well, they’ve made it clear that they need me to have a relationship with him, so they can lay claim to my kids (who, by the way, don’t even carry their surname). Their whole thing? They need “blood-related descendants” to carry on the family name. Insert eye roll.

Mark flew to my state, and let me tell you, he was emotional. He cried a lot, blamed all the bullying on his stress from being in the closet, and begged me to forgive him. I honestly didn’t know what to think. He’s never apologized for anything he did to me in the past, and now suddenly, he’s claiming everything was because of the pressure of being closeted? I don’t buy it. My parents have treated me like garbage for years, and now they’re only interested in me because their “golden child” is no longer playing by their rules. It’s honestly just so messed up.

I told him, in no uncertain terms, to get lost. I’ve spent my whole life trying to distance myself from my toxic family, and now they want me to drop everything just because Mark needs a way back into their good graces? Nope. I’m done. My family is dead to me, and I honestly don’t care anymore.

Now, Mark is saying that I’m “petty” and “ruining his life over childhood issues.” He’s even accused me of being homophobic because I won’t “support” him. But it’s not about that. It’s about the way he treated me for years and the way my parents have been manipulating me. They want my future child to carry their last name, and it’s clear that they only want me around because of that. I’m not going to fall for that.

So here I am, questioning if I’m being unreasonable. Am I wrong for not wanting to reconnect with a family that has hurt me so much in the past? And am I the a-hole for not being there for my brother, just because he came out?

The Comments and My Reflection:

Okay, so here’s the thing. Many people will tell me that family is important, and that I should try to rebuild my relationship with my brother and my parents. But you have to understand the history. They were never there for me when I needed them, and now that they want something from me, they’re acting like I’m the one being unreasonable.

Plus, let’s be real here – I’m not some backup option. My parents want me to act as if my brother’s entire identity hinges on me accepting him. It’s like I’m supposed to make everything okay just because he’s finally come out. But where was he when I needed support growing up? Where was he when my parents were treating me like garbage? He never once stood up for me. Now that he’s in trouble with them, he wants to act like we’re all going to just forget the years of bad blood.

And as for the accusations of being homophobic – I’m not. I don’t care who my brother loves. But what I care about is how he treated me and how my family has treated me my whole life. I’m not going to fall for their manipulative games, no matter how much they want me to.

At the end of the day, I’m doing what’s best for me and my family. My kids deserve to be raised in an environment where they’re loved, supported, and not caught up in this toxic cycle of manipulation and control. If my family can’t accept that, then I guess we’re better off without them.

In the comments, readers seemed to agree that the woman was definitely not the jerk and blasted her parents for creating the whole mess in the first place

So, after all this, AITA? Am I wrong for standing my ground and refusing to let my family back into my life after everything that’s happened? Or am I being too hard on them? Would love to hear your thoughts.