He Says He’s “Done” I’m 30 Weeks Pregnant. AIBU?

A woman is currently 30 weeks pregnant and raising a 2-year-old child while also working part-time and running a small business. Her husband works full-time and has a long daily commute. He often leaves home very early and does not return until late in the evening. As a result, she spends most days handling childcare, household responsibilities, pet care, and many of the daily tasks needed to keep the family running smoothly.

The family recently moved into a larger home, which has created even more responsibilities. While her husband helps with some chores from time to time, she feels that most of the parenting and household work falls on her shoulders. Between caring for a toddler, preparing for a new baby, managing her business, and keeping up with the home, she often feels exhausted and overwhelmed.

One of her biggest concerns is that she would like more support and family time. She wishes her husband could spend more evenings at home and be more involved in daily family life. When she tries to discuss these concerns, the conversations often turn into arguments. He feels he is already contributing by working hard and providing financial support, while she feels that emotional support and shared responsibilities are just as important.

The situation has started conversations about work-life balance, parenting responsibilities, pregnancy support, family budgeting, relationship advice, financial planning, and household management. Many families face challenges when balancing careers, childcare, and home life. The story highlights the importance of communication, teamwork, and finding practical solutions that help both partners feel supported during major life changes.

The author juggled a toddler, household chores, a large dog, and work, while her husband worked long hours and spent extra time at the gym, pub, and side jobs

Marriage, Mental Load, and Why Shared Responsibility Matters

This situation is about much more than household chores. It involves emotional wellness, family relationships, parenting responsibilities, work-life balance, and the need for support during pregnancy.

When one person carries most of the daily responsibilities, stress can build over time. Let’s look at the bigger picture.

🧠 Emotional Labor and the Mental Load

Many people think household work is only about physical tasks. However, there is also a mental side that often goes unnoticed.

Keeping track of meals, cleaning, childcare, appointments, pet care, business responsibilities, and daily schedules requires constant attention.

In this situation, you are managing:

• A toddler
• A business
• Household responsibilities
• Dog care
• Pregnancy-related fatigue
• Daily planning and organization

That is a heavy workload for one person.

When one partner carries most of the mental load, it can lead to emotional exhaustion and resentment over time.

💰 Financial Support and Relationship Balance

Your husband contributes financially by helping with the mortgage and household bills.

Financial support is important, but healthy relationships usually require more than financial contributions alone.

Marriage works best when both partners contribute in ways that support the family. This can include:

• Financial support
• Childcare
• Household tasks
• Emotional support
• Quality time together

When one partner feels responsible for nearly everything outside of finances, the relationship can begin to feel unbalanced.

🤰 Pregnancy Can Increase Relationship Stress

Pregnancy is often a time when people need extra support.

Physical changes, emotional challenges, parenting responsibilities, and preparing for a new baby can all increase stress levels.

Many couples experience relationship challenges during pregnancy and after a child is born. This does not mean the relationship is failing. It simply means both partners may need to communicate more clearly and work together more intentionally.

Support and teamwork become especially important during this stage of life.

⚠️ When Someone Says “I’m Done”

Hearing a partner say “I’m done” can be upsetting and confusing.

Sometimes people say this during moments of frustration. Other times, it may reflect deeper relationship concerns.

Regardless of the reason, statements like this should not be ignored.

Healthy relationships require honest communication. If one partner expresses feelings of wanting to give up, it is important to have a calm conversation about what they mean and what changes may be needed.

Clarity is important for both partners.

🚩 Avoidance Can Create More Problems

You mentioned concerns about smoking, spending extra time away from home, and regular visits to the pub.

Sometimes people cope with stress by avoiding difficult situations instead of addressing them directly.

While everyone needs personal time, avoiding important conversations or responsibilities can create additional tension in a relationship.

Trust is strengthened when both partners communicate openly and honestly about their habits, concerns, and struggles.

🎯 Making Expectations Clear

Many relationship problems happen because partners have different expectations.

For example:

• One person may believe financial support is enough.
• The other may need more emotional support and involvement.
• One partner may think they are doing their part.
• The other may feel overwhelmed and unsupported.

Neither person can solve a problem they do not fully understand.

Clear communication helps both people understand what is needed and what changes would be most helpful.

💬 Practical Steps That May Help

Many marriage counselors recommend focusing on small, practical changes first.

Have a Calm Conversation

Choose a quiet time when emotions are not running high.

Use statements like:

• “I feel overwhelmed.”
• “I need more support.”
• “I feel lonely sometimes.”

This often works better than blame or criticism.

Divide Responsibilities Clearly

Create a simple list of household tasks and childcare duties.

Agree on who will handle specific responsibilities and when.

Small, consistent changes can make a big difference.

Set Healthy Boundaries

Choose one or two important areas where support is needed most.

Examples might include:

• A dedicated family evening each week
• Help with childcare
• Shared responsibility for pet care
• More involvement in daily routines

Clear expectations make it easier for both partners to succeed.

Consider Marriage Counseling

Marriage counseling or couples therapy can provide a safe space to discuss concerns.

A neutral professional can help improve communication skills and identify patterns that may be creating conflict.

Many couples find that counseling strengthens their relationship rather than signaling failure.

Prioritize Self-Care and Support

Pregnancy can be physically and emotionally demanding.

Support from family, friends, childcare assistance, or counseling services may help reduce stress and improve emotional wellness.

💪 Recognizing Your Strength

One important thing stands out in this situation: you have already communicated your needs.

You have explained that you need more support, more involvement, and more partnership.

Those are reasonable requests.

Wanting help with parenting, household responsibilities, and emotional support does not make someone demanding. These are normal needs within a healthy relationship.

Final Thoughts

This situation is not simply about chores or schedules. It is about feeling supported, respected, and valued within a partnership.

You are balancing pregnancy, parenting, work responsibilities, and household management. It is understandable that you want more help and more presence from your spouse.

Strong family relationships require teamwork, communication, and mutual support. When concerns are discussed openly and both partners are willing to make changes, relationships often become stronger.

Most importantly, your feelings matter. Wanting shared responsibility, emotional support, and a healthy work-life balance is completely reasonable. Every partner deserves to feel heard, respected, and supported, especially during important life stages such as pregnancy and raising young children.

He also added that he was done with her, and netizens expressed their disgust and insisted the author was better off without him anyway