I Rented Out My Husband’s Man Cave to Save Our Budget-Now He’s Fuming
This story dives into the emotional and financial strain inside a household where one partner is working overtime—literally and figuratively—while the other refuses to make sacrifices. OP (Original Poster), a hardworking teacher and mom of two, is doing her best to keep the household afloat after her husband was laid off five months ago. Despite the family’s dwindling income, he’s refused to take any job beneath his former sales position and insists on keeping his fully-equipped basement “man cave” untouched—even though it’s essentially a self-contained apartment that could bring in over $1,000 a month.
Faced with rising costs, including their sons’ extracurriculars, OP finally took action: she listed the basement and found a respectful student tenant. Her husband exploded, calling it “his space” and demanding she cancel their kids’ activities instead. But OP, tired of being the only one making sacrifices, made the call herself—and moved his gaming stuff upstairs. Now, with a tenant living downstairs and her husband still sulking, she’s wondering if she went too far… or if she was just finally putting the family first when he wouldn’t.
A husband’s “man cave” became a sore spot for a couple
The wife had grown fed up with his irresponsibility as a husband and father, pushing her to rent out his precious space
Let’s be real: this story doesn’t come down to just a room in a basement. It’s about a partner who’s refusing to step up, while the other is forced to carry the entire family on their back. So let’s unpack everything here—because there’s a whole lot to break down.
💰 Financial Responsibility in Marriage
Marriage is a partnership, right? That means when one person stumbles, the other helps pick up the slack. But it also means both parties need to adapt when times get tough. Right now, OP’s working full-time as a teacher (which, let’s be honest, is already one of the most underpaid and overworked jobs out there), while also managing the household and raising two kids.
Meanwhile, her husband is unemployed and has been for five months. Yet he refuses to take a temporary or lower-paying job, calling it humiliating. Refusing to work when the family is struggling financially isn’t just pride—it’s negligence. Pride doesn’t pay the mortgage or the electric bill. And it certainly doesn’t keep your kids in music and sports, which by the way, aren’t just “luxuries.” These activities contribute to their development, social lives, and mental health.
In 2023, the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics reported that unemployment duration for laid-off workers averaged 20.5 weeks—that’s roughly five months. OP’s husband is now at the point where he should be pivoting or taking temporary work. Refusing to do that, and also refusing to let the family monetize the basement? That’s a double blow.
🕹️ The “Man Cave” vs. Shared Property
So let’s talk about the man cave. It’s a 1-bed, 1-bath walkout basement with a kitchen area. In other words—it’s not a “room,” it’s practically an apartment. Renting it out makes total financial sense, especially when it could cover a significant chunk of monthly expenses.
But here’s the kicker: her husband doesn’t own the house outright. They both put down money for the home and contribute (or used to) to the household. That means he doesn’t have unilateral authority over that space. Claiming it as “his” when the family is sinking financially isn’t just selfish—it’s delusional.
In fact, in most states, marital property is jointly owned, regardless of who claims what space. Unless there’s a prenup or legal agreement stating otherwise, both partners have legal say in how property is used. So OP wasn’t legally out of line, and morally? She was making a choice to keep her kids supported.
🧒 Why Kids’ Activities Matter More Than Gaming
Let’s be real: a 9-year-old who’s been playing guitar for 4 years and another who does kickboxing are clearly committed and thriving in their activities. Cutting those out just to preserve a gaming space for an unemployed dad? That sends a loud message to the kids: your hobbies don’t matter, but dad’s leisure time does.
Extracurriculars aren’t frivolous. Studies from the American Academy of Pediatrics show that participation in music and sports improves academic performance, emotional regulation, and social skills. They’re part of a child’s growth, and yanking them away can be a huge emotional blow—especially if it’s because of inaction from a parent.
If dad’s willing to sacrifice his kids’ passions before his personal comfort? That says a lot.
💥 Undermining or Survival Mode?
Okay, let’s address the elephant in the room: OP made a big decision without full mutual agreement. That usually would be a breach of trust in a marriage. But let’s ask this—was this really a “partnership” at that point?
She tried to negotiate.
She tried to compromise.
She offered temporary solutions (cashier job).
She gave him five months to come up with a plan.
When all of that was met with a “not my problem,” she acted. That’s not undermining—that’s survival mode. Sometimes, when your co-pilot refuses to fly the plane, you grab the yoke yourself before it crashes.
📉 The Bigger Issue: Weaponized Incompetence?
This isn’t just about money. This is about a partner refusing to contribute in any way—financially, emotionally, or practically. He won’t work. He won’t clean. He won’t parent. He just games in his “man cave.” That’s textbook weaponized incompetence.
He knows OP will keep things running. He’s counting on her to work, raise the kids, and make things work while he sits on the sidelines. And when she finally does something proactive? He throws a tantrum.
That’s not a partner—that’s a dependent adult playing house.
🔍 Real-Life Parallels
This isn’t an isolated case. Reddit’s r/relationships and r/AmItheAsshole are full of similar stories—partners refusing to adjust to hard times, expecting the other to keep everything together. One post even shared a nearly identical situation where a wife rented out her husband’s garage workshop after he refused to job-hunt—and Reddit overwhelmingly sided with her.
In fact, in many family counseling settings, therapists stress that when one partner refuses to compromise, the other is often justified in taking drastic action—especially if kids are involved.
The wife provided more context to her story
No, OP, you are not the asshole. You’re a mom and partner doing everything you can to keep your family above water while your husband refuses to sacrifice an inch of comfort. Renting out the man cave wasn’t petty—it was practical. And it sent a clear message: if he won’t show up for the family, you’ll find another way.