She Thought She Was Helping A New Friend With Kids, Turns Out She Was Just Free Help

This AIO story is about someone who jumped in to help a neighbor and slowly realized they weren’t seen as a real friend. Just help. They met in a local Facebook group and things moved fast. Groceries, rides, covering costs, even paying for a kid’s birthday party. At first it felt good. Like community. Like doing the right thing. But after a personal loss and growing mental health issues, the OP had to step back. Anxiety, grief, emotional burnout all hit at once. That’s when healthy boundaries and mutual support really mattered, and that’s when everything felt off.

Now every text from this woman causes instant stress. That pit-in-the-stomach feeling. The OP feels more like a piggy bank than a friend. Like free emotional labor and financial support, not a human with limits. They’re wondering if blocking her is too extreme or just basic self-care. This situation hits on toxic friendships, financial stress, therapy-level burnout, and mental health triggers. A lot of people end up here when kindness gets confused with unlimited availability and setting boundaries starts to feel like guilt.

Sometimes you lend a hand, offer support, or say “yes” one time then somehow, suddenly, you’re the go-to person for everything

The author met a local mom on Facebook in fall 2024 after seeing that she needed help to take her child to school

Let’s talk about this deeper. Because that pit in your stomach isn’t random at all. That’s anxiety mixed with intuition. Your nervous system saying “hey, this isn’t healthy.” And noticing that doesn’t make you dramatic, selfish, or an overreactor. It makes you human. When emotional boundaries are crossed and your mental health starts taking hits, your brain tries to protect you. That feeling is a warning sign. Not guilt. Not weakness. Just self-awareness kicking in.

1. What Defines a Real Friend vs. Someone Using You

A real friend shows up in mutual, not transactional ways. In healthy friendships, support isn’t one‑sided. You both give, you both receive, and there’s respect. But in this scenario, from what you described, the dynamic quickly felt like:

• You giving money, time, energy, rides, groceries.
• Her expecting you to always be there.
• Minimal emotional support or backup for you when you were struggling.

That doesn’t feel like friendship. That feels like someone tapping into your kindness as a resource.

And that’s where the piggy bank feeling comes from. When someone values what you can give more than who you are, it triggers a gut response that something is emotionally imbalanced.

Friendship isn’t just about:

❤️ Being there when life is easy
🤝 Giving gifts and favors

It’s also about:

🫂 Being there when you need support
📞 Checking in when you go quiet
💬 Responding with care, not entitlement

Right now, your experience leans toward being expected to provide. Not to connect.

2. You Didn’t Ghost — You Needed Space

You’re not wrong to focus on that part. Losing a best friend, especially through hospice, is a massive emotional hit. That kind of grief rewires your brain for a while. Depression, withdrawal, low energy, all of that is normal. Anyone who truly cares about you would understand the need for space. They wouldn’t take it personally. They wouldn’t pressure you. They’d lead with empathy.

What stands out is how her reaction centers on her discomfort, not your pain. Getting upset because you weren’t responding fast enough during grief isn’t concern. It’s entitlement. And that’s usually the moment people realize a relationship was built on access, not connection. On availability, not care.

That comparison you made is important. A real friend offers emotional support without a deadline. “I’m here whenever you’re ready” comes from compassion. “Why aren’t you answering me” comes from neediness and dependency. Those are two very different energies, and your body can feel that difference even before your brain fully names it.

That pit in your stomach is your emotional boundary waking up. It’s your nervous system clocking that the relationship shifted into something transactional. When support only flows one way, especially during grief, it stops being friendship and starts being emotional labor. And it’s okay to step away from that. Protecting your mental health isn’t abandonment. It’s survival.

3. You’re Not Responsible for Her Household

You acknowledged that her life isn’t easy. Her kids need help. And yes, that’s real and valid. But your plate is already full. You’re carrying your own mental health, your own losses, your own bills and responsibilities. Taking on hers too isn’t just exhausting — it’s unsustainable.

Helping someone out now and then is noble. But when it becomes:

📌 Expected
📌 Constant
📌 Emotionally draining

…that’s not friendship anymore. That’s unpaid labor, disguised as needing help.

A good friend would look for support systems for her family, not solely rely on you. She’d accept help with appreciation, not entitlement.

4. Your Boundaries Were Loose — And She Took Advantage

You said you struggle to set boundaries. That’s something a lot of kind people deal with. When you’re someone who gives freely, others sometimes — unintentionally or intentionally — take that as a cue to push limits.

For example:

• You gave rides, groceries, party organization
• She didn’t help you when you were hurting
• The friendship felt one‑sided
• You felt guilt instead of gratitude when you pulled back

That’s a boundary issue, not a character flaw.

You weren’t rude for needing space. You weren’t unreasonable for feeling overwhelmed. You weren’t wrong to notice the imbalance.

Boundaries aren’t selfish. They protect your mental well‑being.

5. Emotional Drain Isn’t Friendship

You described that every time you see a message from her, you get a pit in your stomach. That’s your nervous system reacting to a stress trigger, not a breakdown.

Healthy friendships feel:

🙂 Warm
🙂 Welcoming
🙂 Supportive

Toxic or draining relationships feel:

😞 Heavy
😖 Obligatory
😟 Stressful

You’re allowed to pay attention to how your body reacts. Your body senses emotional patterns faster than your conscious mind.

That pit in your stomach is a sign that something’s emotionally unsafe.

6. Blocking Isn’t Cruel — It’s a Boundary

The big question you asked: AIO if I block her?

Let’s unpack that.

Blocking someone isn’t about being mean. It’s about:

🚫 Creating space
🧠 Protecting emotional health
🛑 Ending patterns that hurt you

You’re not obligated to be available to someone who doesn’t support you back — especially when you’re struggling. Blocking can be temporary or permanent. It’s a tool to maintain your peace.

And you aren’t obligated to justify it to anyone. Especially when she has shown you distress, not friendship.

7. You’re Not Overreacting — You’re Healing

You said you felt like an AH for feeling used. But here’s the truth:

You’re not an AH.
You’re not weak.
You’re not unkind for noticing an emotional imbalance.

You’re human. You’re overwhelmed. You’re protective of your stability.

That’s normal.

Feeling used hurts. It stings when someone expects more than you have. Especially when you offered kindness from a genuine place.

Feeling hurt doesn’t make you dramatic. It means you care.

And caring about your own limits is a strength — not a flaw.

8. When It’s Time To Walk Away

Signs you’re not overreacting:

✅ You feel anxious around them
✅ They rarely check in on you
✅ They react explosively when you say no
✅ You give more than you receive
✅ You dread their messages

If most of these fit, your feelings are valid.

Sometimes, walking away isn’t giving up — it’s choosing self‑respect.

9. Friends Should Uplift — Not Drain

A real friend:

✨ Respects your boundaries
✨ Offers support during your hard times
✨ Doesn’t guilt you for needing space
✨ Doesn’t treat you like a wallet

Right now, this situation looks like someone relying on your good heart, not someone honoring your whole self.

That’s not friendship.
That’s emotional labor.

And you deserve friends, not clients of kindness services.

Netizens agreed that the author was completely justified in wanting to cut the woman off, highlighting that their dynamic was unhealthy anyway

So, AIO?
No — you’re not overreacting. You’re responding to how this person makes you feel. And feelings matter. They’re signals your brain sends to protect you.

Blocking someone who triggers distress and drains you isn’t cruel — it’s self‑care.

You deserve friendships that energize you, not empty you.

If you want help wording a gentle blocking message (or even a “soft close” instead of full block), I can help with that too.