AITA for expecting my adult daughter to pay back what she owes me?

In this situation, a father (48M) finds himself at odds with his adult daughter (21F), Aria, over financial matters stemming from their strained relationship. Aria had chosen to live primarily with her mother (his ex-wife, Sandra) at 15, citing differences in parenting styles and rules. The father, who had imposed stricter guidelines, felt abandoned and hurt by her decision to leave. Despite ongoing legal obligations to financially support Aria, the father has kept meticulous track of expenses totaling around $18,000, which he believes Aria should repay as a form of reconciliation.

The father’s stance is that resolving financial matters is a prerequisite to addressing the emotional rift between them. He views this approach as necessary to ensure Aria demonstrates genuine care beyond monetary concerns. He communicates with Aria through legal channels, which reflects ongoing tensions and the difficulty in establishing direct familial dialogue. The father holds Sandra partly responsible, feeling she enabled Aria’s departure and now benefits from having her exclusively.

Sandra, however, opposes the father’s financial demands on Aria, arguing that his fixation on repayment is detrimental to repairing their relationship. She perceives his actions as punitive and believes they hinder any chance of reconciliation between father and daughter. Sandra has maintained custody of Aria and supports her financially, contrasting with the father’s insistence on financial restitution.

Ultimately, the father’s insistence on repayment has created a standoff where emotional healing seems contingent on financial compensation. While he justifies his actions as holding Aria accountable for her choices and honoring legal obligations, Sandra and potentially others may view his approach as overly rigid and detrimental to repairing their fractured family dynamics. The conflict underscores deep-seated emotional wounds and differing perceptions of responsibility and reconciliation within the family.

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