"AITA for telling my coworker her kid is why I wouldn't date her?"

In this scenario, the coworker, let’s call him John, found himself in an uncomfortable situation regarding the prospect of dating his colleague, Pam. John, a single dad, didn’t shy away from dating single parents, having done so in the past. However, Pam’s situation was different due to her 13-year-old son’s challenging behavior, which included tantrums and school suspensions due to ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder).

When Pam expressed interest in dating during a work function, John politely declined, citing the general principle of not dating coworkers to avoid complications in the workplace. Despite their interactions being limited to different departments and floors, Pam persisted in suggesting they could make it work, emphasizing the success stories of other coworkers who had met at work.

However, during another social outing, Pam pushed further, prompting John to be honest about his reservations regarding her son’s behavior. John explained that while he didn’t doubt his ability to handle a difficult child, he didn’t feel inclined to do so for a child who wasn’t his own, especially considering the long-term implications of ODD. This candid admission understandably upset Pam, leading to her abrupt departure from the gathering.

Reflecting on the situation, John wonders if he was in the wrong for being straightforward about his concerns. He questions whether he should apologize or let the issue go, feeling a twinge of guilt about how the conversation unfolded.

From an outside perspective, John’s honesty, while perhaps uncomfortable for Pam to hear, was not inherently wrong. He expressed valid concerns about entering into a relationship that would potentially involve dealing with significant behavioral issues in a child who wasn’t his own. However, the delivery could have been more tactful, considering the sensitive nature of the topic. While an apology might smooth over any hurt feelings, it’s also important for both parties to acknowledge and respect each other’s perspectives moving forward, even if they differ. Ultimately, John’s intentions were not malicious, but rather a reflection of his personal boundaries and priorities.

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