AITA for Not Doing Anything for My Husband Anymore?

You’re exhausted. Between taking care of your infant, working, keeping life running, and handling emotional attacks from your husband, you’ve reached a point where you stopped doing everything for him. And honestly? That’s a completely human reaction when someone you love consistently criticizes you, blames you unfairly, and fails to appreciate what you do.

Your husband’s behavior — from yelling about dishes and “attitude” to saying he hates you — isn’t okay. When you pulled back, things actually fell apart on his end. He’s suddenly unable to manage the basics he used to rely on you for. You’re not “lazy” or “spoiled.” You’re a mom trying to juggle work, household duties, childcare, and emotional labor — all without support or an apology from your partner.

It is sorrowful that women’s fight for equality is one of the oldest struggles, yet it continues

The poster was a working mom who also took care of her toddler and managed household chores, while her husband just complained

A Deep Dive into Relationship Stress, Boundaries, and Emotional Labor

Let’s unpack all of this with compassionate, research-backed clarity. Your situation is complex. It’s filled with emotional labor, marriage conflict, household management, and stress that can overwhelm even the strongest people. You’re not crazy for feeling hurt, overwhelmed, or tired. Your husband’s reaction — calling you ungrateful and lazy — is painful, especially when you’re the one holding life together.

1. Emotional Labor & Household Management: What’s Really Going On?

The emotional labor you’re doing is massive. Emotional labor isn’t just physical chores — it’s remembering birthdays, appointments, meals preferences, managing schedules, and soothing others’ emotions. Research on emotional labor shows women often carry more of this invisible work in relationships, and it leads to burnout if it’s not shared or appreciated.

You’ve been doing the bulk of that for a while — packing lunches, planning outfits, organizing appointments, chasing lost items, tending to your baby at 5am, cleaning, and working. That’s not “normal” or “expected” — that’s above and beyond what should be shouldered by one partner, especially with a newborn in the mix. According to studies on relationship satisfaction, partners who feel undervalued and carry disproportionate emotional workload are much more likely to feel burnout and resentment.

When you stopped doing everything for him? His world tilted because he was dependent on you for those tasks. That’s not your fault. That’s an imbalance that should have been addressed with communication, not criticism.

2. “But Nothing Gets Done!” — A Closer Look at Roles and Expectations

Your husband claims that while you were working, nothing got done around the house. Let’s slow that down.

You’re working a full schedule:

• 5am morning routine with your son
• Packing husband’s meals
• Going to your job
• Picking up LO from daycare
• Cleaning
• Cooking
• Putting LO to bed

That’s a full day. In addition, you’re doing the invisible planning that keeps life happening. So when he says “nothing gets done,” that’s emotionally dismissive. It’s not accurate. You’re doing A LOT.

Also — daycare confirmations, announcement cards, gift registries — these sound like miscommunications, not sabotage. But repeatedly saying he doesn’t give you info and then blaming you when plans fail? That’s not teamwork.

3. Emotional Abuse vs. Legitimate Criticism

When someone you live with says, “I hate you,” “I don’t need you,” or calls you lazy and ungrateful, that crosses a line. There’s a difference between healthy relationship conflict and emotional abuse. Healthy conflict focuses on behaviors, not demeaning a person’s worth. What your husband is doing is:

• Blaming you when he doesn’t communicate necessary info
• Attacking you instead of expressing needs
• Shifting responsibility without accountability
• Criticizing while refusing to acknowledge his own mistakes

This pattern mirrors research on emotional distress in relationships, where one partner uses criticism, contempt, or dismissal instead of constructive communication. That kind of behavior is linked with lower relationship satisfaction and increased anxiety in partners.

You’re not being dramatic. You’re reacting to repeated verbal attacks and lack of appreciation.

4. Your Boundaries Are Healthy — Not “Lazy”

When you pulled back from doing everything, this was not passive-aggressive. It was self-preservation. Boundaries help protect mental health, especially when someone is being verbally hurtful. Boundaries aren’t selfish — they’re necessary.

Think about it like a muscle: if you keep giving and giving without replenishment or respect, you’ll eventually run out. You’ve hit that point. And that’s normal.

5. The Impact of Stress on Communication

Stress — financial, marital, child-related, workload — changes how people communicate. Under chronic stress, the brain’s emotional centers get overactive, and the logical centers shrink down. This results in:

• Short tempers
• Blaming others
• Difficulty problem-solving
• Emotional outbursts

Both you and your husband are under stress. But how you cope matters. Research shows that couples who learn effective communication strategies — like “I feel” statements, active listening, and scheduled check-ins — handle stress better than those who default to criticism and blame.

6. What You Might Need From Him (and What He Might Need From You)

You want:

• An apology
• Recognition for what you do
• Partnership
• Respect

That’s reasonable. Every person in a marriage deserves respect and appreciation. Wanting that doesn’t make you lazy or spoiled.

He might need:

• Help identifying what he expects
• Better communication habits
• Emotional support too (but not at the expense of attacking you)

The tricky part? Neither of you is communicating this well. And that’s something many couples struggle with — especially new parents.

7. Parenting + Marriage = Double Stress

Bringing a baby into a relationship changes the entire dynamic. Research on relationship satisfaction after having a child shows that most couples experience tension due to:

• Less sleep
• Less intimacy
• Time pressure
• Disrupted routines
• Increased household demands

It’s normal for there to be conflict. But how partners respond to conflict makes all the difference.

Your marriage isn’t failing because you’re tired. It’s struggling because there’s a gap between expectations and reality — and both of you are stuck in frustration instead of teamwork.

8. What Couples Often Miss: Shared Responsibility

It sounds like this: you’ve been doing most of the coordination and planning quietly, and your husband has been benefiting from it without acknowledging it. When that work stops, he sees the gaps — but still blames you. That’s not fair.

Effective couples share:

• Planning
• Household responsibilities
• Emotional support
• Appreciation

Without that, one partner feels overwhelmed, and the other feels abandoned — which is exactly where you are.

9. What You’re NOT (Despite What He Says)

You are not:

• Lazy
• Ungrateful
• Spoiled

You are:

• Tired
• Overworked
• Hurt
• Setting boundaries for your emotional health

Those are human responses.

10. What You Can Do Next (If You Want to Fix This)

If you want a healthier dynamic, consider:

1. A calm conversation about boundaries and roles
   Not in the middle of a fight — but when both of you are calm.
2. Specific agreements about tasks
   Write them down. Who does what? When?
3. Positive communication practices
   “I feel _____ when _____.”
4. Counseling or mediation
   Especially for emotional communication skills.
5. Acknowledging appreciation daily
   Even small thank-yous help reduce resentment.

Netizens warned her that she should ditch the guy immediately, as he was clearly being emotionally violent toward her

You’re overwhelmed, under-appreciated, and hurt. You reacted the way many people would when pushed too far. Setting boundaries isn’t a punishment — it’s a way to protect your mental health and make room for real partnership.