My Cousin Thinks I Should Keep Babysitting Her Kid Instead of Attending My Own School
I’m 18 and living with my cousin’s family while finishing high school. Before lockdown, everything worked: I paid rent, helped out, and sometimes babysat their toddler after kindergarten. But when Covid restrictions hit and everyone stayed home, I stepped up more—cooking almost every day and watching their 2-year-old while my school adjusted to remote learning.
Now that my classes are back in full swing, I said I needed to step back and focus. I even offered help in the evenings. But my cousin wasn’t having it—she got emotional, said I owed her continued full-time help, and ended up yelling at me before going to bed early, leaving her husband to deal with everything. I’m stunned. I’m trying to do right by everyone, but it feels like the moment I set a boundary, everything fell apart.
When entitled parents expect others to step in 24/7, there’s bound to be drama
When one mom demanded that her cousin skip school to babysit for her every day, it didn’t go down well
1. Hidden Impact: Student Caregivers and Academic Strain
You’re not alone. Many teens and young adults take on caregiving duties at home, and it can seriously affect school engagement. A survey across Rhode Island found 16% of high school students regularly cared for siblings or family members—and those caregiving students reported lower academic engagement and emotional well-being. That’s a large share of young people juggling school amid unexpected adult responsibilities. The GRAD Partnership
Feeling stressed, behind on assignments, or emotionally exhausted isn’t weak—it’s a real, documented issue. What you’re experiencing isn’t just tough—it’s common, and you deserve credit, not criticism.
2. Emotional Boundaries Are Not Mean — They’re Vital
“Boundaries” isn’t a nasty word. It’s self-protection—especially when your time and mental health are being stretched thin. Emotional boundaries are about recognizing your need for space, self-care, and support. Parenting Modern Teens
You can say, “Hey, I care—but I also need school time to stay on track.” This is not cold; it’s responsible. And that’s what boundaries do—they create better relationships long-term.
3. Family Conflict Under Lockdown Intensifies Boundaries Need
The pandemic blurred roles and routines. More home time means more conflict, especially without structure. Research from NYU’s Child Study Center notes that uncertainty and lack of schedule can raise stress and behavior issues among kids—and strain caregivers too. NYU Langone Health
Maintaining boundaries around your school schedule—and asking for support—isn’t selfish. You’re protecting the only productive, stable structure you’ve got.
4. Setting Clear Expectations: It’s Okay to Say No
Therapists and family experts emphasize clear, calm communication. You might say: “I need to be present for my online classes—I’ll help after school and during dinner time.” That’s a fair ask.
Time and again, healthy boundaries involve stating needs, explaining why, and offering reasonable alternatives. It builds respect, even when the conversation gets tense. TIME
5. Emotional Labor and Burnout Don’t Disappear During Lockdown
Managing a child’s tantrums, cooking, cleaning, homework, mental load—this adds up to emotional labor. When you’re doing more than your fair share, exhaustion sets in quickly. Recognizing when you’ve hit your limit isn’t weakness—it shows you’re aware.
Self-care isn’t indulgent—it’s functional. Burnout leads to mistakes, drop in school performance, and stress. Sources on early childhood caregiving stress that even professionals need to recharge to stay effective. NY Early Childhood Institute
6. How to Frame Your Boundary Without Hurting the Relationship
- Use kind but firm language: “I love helping, but I also need to attend school calls. I can help after dinner.”
- Explain consequences: “If I miss lessons, I could get marked absent or miss grades.”
- Ask for teamwork: “Can we coordinate a schedule that works for all of us?”
This makes your boundary less personal and more collaborative. You’re not refusing—you’re proposing a fair, workable plan.
7. Watch What Happens to Emotions After Setting Your Limits
You did the right thing, but your cousin blew up—emotionally claiming she nearly cried, then went to bed early. That’s a sign: boundary pressure can reveal how unbalanced the emotional workload already was. Her reaction isn’t about you—it’s about how worn out she is.
That doesn’t mean you’re wrong. It means you’re stepping into a role that hasn’t had boundaries before, and change is uncomfortable. It takes time for others to adjust.
8. Real-Life Voice: From You to Other Teens
Imagine sharing this on Reddit—one commenter writes:
“My high school friend is at home caring for her siblings while trying to keep her grades up. She finally said, ‘I love you, but I need to focus on school right now,’ and her family had to rearrange things. Her grades improved and they started rotating duties. It was a turning point.”
That rewrite reflects what you’re doing. It’s brave. Standing up for your needs doesn’t make you selfish—it sets the stage for healthier balance.
Quick Recap Table:
| Insight | What It Means |
|---|---|
| Many teens care for family | You’re not alone—this is a real issue. The GRAD Partnership |
| Emotional boundaries protect you | “No” means preservation, not hurt. Parenting Modern Teens |
| Pandemic adds emotional strain | More stress = more need for clear roles. NYU Langone Health |
| You can say no and offer alternatives | Collaboration > confrontation. TIME |
| Self-care prevents burnout | You need space to recharge. NY Early Childhood Institute |
You’re not shirking responsibility. You’re managing it—better for yourself, better for your school, and eventually better for your living situation too. Your cousin will need time to accept that your school can’t be put on hold. But you’re doing your homework—literally and emotionally—and that’s something you can feel proud of.
Want help crafting specific phrases or even a message template to send to your cousin? Just say the word!
The teen provided quite a bit more info when prompted
