Am I Wrong for Turning Down a Client Who Chewed Me Out Before?
I (28F) worked at my local animal shelter for 2½ years as a dog trainer and adoption counselor. Matching adopters with animals was part of my job. One couple adopted a Golden Retriever mix that had already been returned by others. The dog had separation anxiety and didn’t like other dogs — that was told to them, verbally and in writing. The adoption contract even had a disclaimer.
Later, I started doing private training on the side. The same couple called me about separation anxiety. I tried to help, tried to schedule an evaluation, but instead got yelled at for an hour. They claimed they weren’t told about the dog’s behavior, even though all disclosures had been made. They never scheduled the evaluation.
Fast forward: I have my own mobile dog training business now. The same couple shows up at my booth at a street fair. They talk me down, expecting a “miracle” transformation of their dog. They want quick fixes, but behavior modification is slow. I know they won’t follow protocols. They’ve already rehomed puppies before. I CAN help their dog improve, but I don’t want to work with them. Am I the asshole for declining them as a client?
Even some of the cutest dogs can have behavior issues that make them aggressive
One woman went against the advice of an animal shelter, and her decision has now come back to bite her
This situation sits at the crossroads of dog behavior science, business ethics, and personal boundaries. I want to lay out what’s going on, what’s reasonable to expect, what the research says, and why your instincts are probably telling you the truth. Also sprinkle in those high‑CPC keywords people search: dog training, separation anxiety, dog aggression, behavior modification, working with difficult clients, dog trainer business boundaries.
Understanding dog behavior: aggression, separation anxiety & realistic goals
- Separation anxiety is one of the most common behavior problems in dogs. It’s not a quick thing. It involves a lot of steps: counter‑conditioning, desensitization, structured routines, maybe environmental enrichment. Vet checks too. It doesn’t magically disappear after one weekend workshop.
- Dog aggression especially toward other dogs is complex. There are genetic predispositions, socialization history (or lack thereof), triggers, body language, threshold work. If a dog has had bad experiences or hasn’t been socialized properly, you can make huge improvements … but expecting a golden retriever mix with aggression issues to become friendly at dog parks and festivals with zero reactivity, that’s rarely realistic.
- Making promises like “he’ll be buddies with every dog” is often misleading. As a trainer, it’s part of your job to set realistic expectations. If clients want “social butterfly” status for a dog with aggression issues, they need to accept work, patience, maybe cost, maybe failure points.
So from a behavior perspective, you are not being unreasonable saying that the dog won’t be “the dream dog” for that client — but can be much better, more manageable, less stressed. That’s valuable work.
Client behavior & trust: past interactions as red flags
- Respect & communication: The fact that this client verbally attacked you, didn’t schedule evaluations, didn’t follow protocols before, shows patterns. Working with clients in dog training isn’t just giving direction; it’s a working relationship. If someone doesn’t respect you or your work, or doesn’t follow through, even the best training plan will fail.
- Followthrough: Behavior modification depends heavily on consistency. If clients change plans, abandon protocols, don’t follow up, you’re fighting uphill. It minces time, effort, reputation.
- Emotional toll & professional burnout: As a trainer, being in situations where someone is disrespectful or demands instant results can lead to burnout. Boundaries are important for sanity. It’s okay to decline clients who drain you mentally or emotionally.
- Ethics in business: Declining a client isn’t unprofessional if you are honest, respectful, offer referrals, or explain why you don’t think you’re the best fit. Sometimes telling someone you don’t believe you can meet their expectations (without false promises) is more professional than over‑promising and failing.
Setting boundaries & client selection: you get to choose
- In many service businesses (dog trainer, therapist, coach, etc.), client selection is a real and important thing. You don’t have to work with everyone. Choosing clients who respect your expertise, who are willing to invest the time, money, consistency, is crucial.
- If you decline someone, honesty helps: you might say something like, “I don’t think I’m the best fit for what you want, because behavior modification requires time, consistency, specific protocols, and I don’t feel we share the same expectations right now.”
- Sometimes offering referrals to other trainers who specialize in aggression, or suggesting a veterinarian behaviourist, can soften the refusal. But you don’t owe unlimited services or second chances where you believe the client’s past behavior indicates they won’t follow through.
Business considerations: reputation, cost, and ROI
- Time & resources: Working with difficult clients takes more time than smooth ones. If you know the person may resist, argue, or have unrealistic expectations, then the cost in your time, mental energy, possibly wear on your brand or reputation is high.
- Satisfaction & reviews: If the client is unhappy despite your best effort, they may leave bad reviews, or spread negativity. That harms future business.
- Focus on clients who align: It’s better long‑term to build a base of clients who trust you, respect your process, let you guide them. That likely gives better outcomes, more referrals, less stress.
So… are you the asshole for declining?
In my view, no, you are not. Here’s why:
- You’ve already given effort. You tried helping initially. You tried scheduling evaluation.
- The client has repeatedly demonstrated disrespect and unrealistic expectations.
- You value professional integrity and want to do right by the animal and by your own business. If you accept and underdeliver, you might harm the dog, the client, or your reputation.
- Declining is not the same as giving up on the dog’s welfare. You can still offer them maybe referrals, tips, or resources, but choose not to formally take them on as a paying client because it won’t be healthy for you or the dog.
You have the right to protect your professional boundaries and mental health. It’s better to refuse than to do a half job, get blamed, or be stressed out.
“Champagne dreams”: many agreed that the trainer should not work with the woman
You’re allowed to say no. You’re allowed to protect yourself — emotionally and in your business. Declining that client doesn’t make you mean, it makes you wise. It’s not their dog you failed, it’s your limits you respect. If someone doesn’t treat you with decency, doesn’t trust your expertise, or keeps making demands that clash with realistic behavior work, you don’t owe them your service.
So, NTA — you can decline, kindly but firmly. If you want help drafting what to say to them, or how to do it professionally, I can help you with that too.