Kids Choose Their Real Mom Over Stepmom Furious Dad Tries to Cut Ex Out to Please His Infertile Wife

I (30s) have three kids with my ex‑husband, Nick (30s). We’re divorced. The kids are aged 13, 12 and 9. The marriage ended when our youngest was only 4 months old—because Nick admitted he didn’t love me, and married me only because I was pregnant with our oldest. I believe his lack of true feelings has meant he views me as dispensable in our kids’ lives.

After the divorce, Nick began treating his soon‑to‑be wife, Hailey (30s), as if she were already the “mom” of my children—inviting her to school plays, expecting me to delegate tasks to her (school dropoffs, dance pickups) despite the kids barely knowing her, and insisting she be treated as a parent rather than a step‑parent. She has called me a “b‑tch” for saying I am their mother, not her. Nick even tried to remove me legally from the school contact list and give contact to Hailey instead.

When they married, they scheduled the wedding date to overlap with my parenting time and asked me to give up that week so their kids could attend—without giving me the time back. When I refused, he threatened court. The court denied him.

Now they say that because Hailey and Nick endured years of infertility (they are unable to have biological children together), I should support them more and let them have more access to the kids or treat Hailey more like “mom.” They accuse me of being unsupportive because I won’t just hand over time or treat Hailey as my “equal parent” in my children’s lives.

I feel I do not owe them that. Legally, I’m covered. Emotionally, I feel pushed aside. So, WIBTA for refusing to comply with their expectations?

Some folks don’t even think about their kids before forcing them to accept their partner as the “new parent”

The poster had been co-parenting her 3 kids with her ex (Nick), when he suddenly introduced a new woman (Hailey) and forced them to bond with her

Co‑parenting and blended family dynamics are complicated. Add infertility, new marriages, step‑parents, custody battles and resentment—and you’ve got a messy emotional cocktail. I’m going to dig into this using some relevant keywords (like “co‑parenting”, “step‑parent rights”, “infertility stress”, “blended family boundaries”) so others in similar situations can relate.

Co‑Parenting & Boundaries

When two parents split and have children, managing communication, responsibilities and respect is key. The goal is to put children’s best interests first. In my situation, I accepted the divorce, maintained legal custody arrangements and have been the stable parent. But the sudden push from my ex and his new wife to elevate Hailey to a quasi‑parent role felt like a boundary crossing.

In many jurisdictions, a biological parent retains rights and responsibilities unless changed by court order—and a step‑parent doesn’t automatically replace that role. For example, step‑parents in many places do not have automatic legal parental responsibility for decision‑making unless a court order or adoption is involved. Raising Children Network+2carlsonssolicitors.com+2 So it’s within my rights to object to being pushed aside.

What they did (trying to remove me from contact lists, scheduling a wedding during my parenting time) suggests they attempted to minimize my role. That crosses the typical lines of respectful co‑parenting. The fact I asked for fairness and was deemed “reasonable” by the court reinforces that I’ve been acting within my rights.

The Infertility Aspect & Sympathy Pressure

Infertility is a real, painful journey. I can understand that my ex and his wife asking for empathy makes sense—“We’ve struggled for years to have kids, now we want this role.” People expect others to show compassion.

However, the ask here is: Should I give up my time or treat her as mom, just because of their infertility? The short answer: I don’t think I’m obligated to. Empathy doesn’t mean forfeiting your rights or allowing your parental role to be eclipsed. Infertility is tragic, but it doesn’t override the children’s history, the legal arrangement, or my emotional investment and identity as their mother.

Also, I feel the “you should support us because we couldn’t have kids” message is being used to shame me into worse terms. That’s unfair. Support isn’t the same as handing over your role or resources.

Step‑Parent & Blended Family Dynamics

When a biological parent remarries, the new spouse often becomes a step‑parent. Legally and emotionally that role is secondary and often defined by the parent and the children. The “step‑parent” isn’t automatically the “parent”.

According to legal sources:

• A step‑parent does not automatically get decision‑making rights unless a court order or adoption occurs. Graham Law & Associates+2reese.law+2
• The biological parent retains primary rights and responsibilities unless they formally relinquish them. Raising Children Network+1
• Emotional roles can shift, but the children’s comfort, stability and respect for relationships matter more than labeling someone “mom” or “dad.”

In my case, the children call Hailey by her first name (which seems respectful) but she and Nick pressured them to call her “mom” (which I resisted). That matters, because children’s identities are formed around their history and sense of family. When you push a new spouse into a “mom” role too quickly, it can confuse children, create loyalty conflicts, and destabilize the relationship they have with their biological parent. There’s significant literature on how blended families must move at the children’s pace.

My Emotional & Legal Position

Emotionally: I feel sidelined. I feel treated as less important. I’m not against Hailey being kind, respectful, involved—when that happens naturally. But when I’m told to delegate tasks to her, or to give up time that I have legal custody of, it feels like the goal is to minimize me, not to respect me.

Legally: I have custody and a parenting time schedule. When they tried to force me to give up my week, and tried removal of my school‑contact status, the court sided with me. That lends weight to the fact I was reasonable and within rights.

When they accuse me of being unsupportive simply for not giving up my rights or for not granting more access (beyond what is fair or agreed), that feels like emotional manipulation. Using infertility as “you owe us” puts me in a guilt trap.

The Big Question: Am I the A**hole?

It comes down to intent, fairness and the children’s welfare.

• Intent: I’m not trying to hurt anyone. I’m trying to maintain my role as mother, protect my rights, and ensure stability for my kids.
• Fairness: They want support—but I must balance that with my kids’ best interests, my legal rights and my emotional boundaries. If I simply relinquished my role, the children might lose clarity about who their mother is, and I might lose the meaningful relationship with them.
• Children’s welfare: My goal has been to ensure the kids know I’m here, I’m consistent, and I’m their mother. If we forced them to call someone “mom” who they barely knew, or changed parenting weeks for a wedding, that could confuse or destabilize them.

Given all that, I believe I am not the a**hole. I can be empathetic to their infertility journey—but that does not mean I must sacrifice my parenting rights or let them dictate my relationship with my kids. Supporting them emotionally (being kind, civil, cooperative) is one thing; giving up my role or time is another and that crosses into unfair territory.

What I Could Do to Show Good Faith Without Losing Me

• I can be civil and respectful to Hailey: acknowledge her kindness, treat her politely, without giving up my role.
• I can maintain consistent communication about kids when they have them, without delegating my tasks to her.
• I can set clear boundaries: “I’m their mother, here’s what I do, here’s what I expect.”
• I can check in: Do the kids feel comfortable? Is the schedule working? If there’s a genuine request (with time and advance notice) I can consider it—but not because I’m guilt‑tripped.
• I can suggest joint family activities where Hailey can build relationship with the kids in her capacity as step‑mom, without supplanting me.

Folks were shocked that he had the audacity to alienate the poster from her own kids, and even labeled him as a “bad father”

So, would I be the ahole for refusing to “support” them in the sense they want—handing over time, elevating Hailey to “mom” status, changing the status quo simply because of their infertility? No, I would not be the ahole.
I’m standing up for my role, for my kids, and for boundaries. Being supportive doesn’t have to mean giving up everything. They can still have a relationship with Hailey as their step‑parent, but not at the cost of erasing or minimising me.

If they want to argue that I must support them more, I can respond with:
“I am supportive of you in the sense of cooperation and respect. But I will not give up my role as mother, I will not let my kids’ relationship with me be diluted, and I will not be guilt‑tripped into it. Let’s find a path forward that respects us all—especially the children.”