“Selfish Husband” Skips Parenting Duties on Vacation Wife Furious After He Leaves 7-Year-Old Alone to Hit the Bar
It was supposed to be our first real holiday in years. Sun, sea, and finally a bit of peace. But instead of recharging, I’m solo-parenting three kids in a hotel room while my husband treats the trip like a lad’s weekend. And the final straw? Coming back from nap duty to find our 7-year-old cold and alone because he wandered off to watch the football.
Now I’m being told I’ve “ruined the holiday” because I dared to say something. I’m not trying to start drama. I’m just tired. Like, bone-deep, emotionally fried tired. I needed a partner on this trip — not another person to pick up after. So yeah, I feel completely let down. But is this just what holidays with young kids are like… or is he just being selfish?
Parenting duties should be split between both partners so that all the tasks don’t just fall on one person
The poster shared that she, her husband, and their three children had come on a vacation to Spain, and that she had been looking forward to the break
1. The myth of the “mum holiday” — it’s not really a break
Let’s start here: for a lot of mums, “family holiday” is just code for “same parenting duties in a hotter climate.”
You still get up with the baby.
Still handle meltdowns.
Still pack the suncream, snacks, clothes, entertainment, baby wipes.
Only now you’re doing it in unfamiliar surroundings and maybe sleeping worse.
Psychologists have actually coined the term “maternal mental load” — it refers to all the invisible labour women take on in family life: planning, remembering, managing emotions, anticipating everyone’s needs. And guess what? Holidays don’t magically cancel that out. (Harvard Business Review, 2019)
So when you finally take that long-awaited trip, you’re not unreasonable to expect a break — or at the very least, a partner who shows up.
2. Trust breach: he left a 7-year-old alone near water
Let’s talk about the moment that really pushed things over: you asked your husband to watch your daughter in the pool. Not a huge request. You were handling the younger kids and just needed 45 minutes.
Instead, he wanders off to the bar and watches football. And his excuse? “She wasn’t in the pool anymore.”
She’s seven. Not seventeen. Seven-year-olds are not independent in unfamiliar, open environments like hotel pools. It doesn’t matter if she was sitting by the edge — she still needed an adult to supervise and be present.
From a parenting standpoint, this is a big deal. It’s a matter of child safety, not just preferences or styles. (American Academy of Pediatrics) recommends “close, constant, and attentive supervision” near any water, even for older children. What your husband did? Flat-out negligent. And then to double down with defensiveness — yikes.
3. The defensiveness trap — and how it shuts you down
You were upset (understandably), and he came back with “you’re doing your usual” and “overreacting.” That’s classic deflection and invalidation. Instead of hearing your concern, he made it about your reaction, not his actions.
This is emotionally harmful. It teaches you that your worries will be dismissed, and it forces you to either stay silent or get painted as the nag.
According to relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, defensiveness is one of the “Four Horsemen” of relationship breakdowns. It’s a key signal that your partner can’t take responsibility — which erodes trust and respect over time. (Gottman Institute)
4. He turned the argument into a guilt trip
He didn’t just brush you off. He left the room, stayed out late, and now acts like you’ve ruined the holiday. Classic guilt‑reversal tactic.
It shifts the emotional burden onto you. Instead of reflecting on what he did, he makes you question your tone, your timing, your whole right to be upset.
This is called emotional flipping, and it’s deeply toxic in long-term relationships. It doesn’t matter if he’s not screaming or name-calling — emotional withdrawal and blame‑shifting are just as damaging. (Psychology Today, 2022)
5. What’s really happening: emotional labour overload
It’s not just about the pool incident. Or the football. Or the bar.
It’s the fact that you’re carrying the whole holiday — mentally, emotionally, logistically — and he gets to just exist in it.
- You’re sorting naps, snacks, towels, sunhats, swimsuits, tantrums, and bedtimes.
- You’re worrying about sunscreen, sleep schedules, hydration, lost teddies, overstimulation.
- He’s having beers and watching the match.
The balance is wildly off. You didn’t sign up to parent four people.
And the worst part? When you call it out, you’re painted as the buzzkill.
So… is this “just life with kids”? No. And here’s why.
Lots of people will say this is just what holidays are like with small children. But that’s only half true. Yes — little kids = chaos. No one’s pretending it’s going to be a spa retreat.
But the real issue isn’t the kids. It’s that your partner isn’t being a team player.
It’s one thing to be tired together. To laugh through the tantrums, tag-team nap duty, collapse into bed with takeaway and a bottle of wine. That’s hard — but shared.
What you’re experiencing?
It’s being left behind.
It’s solo parenting in a place you can’t escape from.
It’s not just hard — it’s lonely, it’s disrespectful, and it’s exhausting in your bones.
What You Can Do Next — Real Steps
You can’t redo this trip. But you can decide what happens next:
1. Take the rest of the holiday day-by-day
- You don’t have to fix the relationship while still in the thick of it.
- Right now, try to protect your own mental peace. Schedule alone time. Take the kids for an early activity and leave him with a solid block of solo parenting.
- Refuse to pick up his emotional fallout. If he sulks, let him.
2. Have a boundary-setting convo (when calm)
You might say:
“I’m not okay with how things have gone. I felt alone and unsupported. When you left DD1 alone and then acted like I was the problem, that hurt. I need us to talk about how to be partners, not just co-parents.”
Don’t let him redirect the convo to “you’re dramatic.” Bring it back to facts and feelings.
3. Reflect on the bigger pattern
Ask yourself:
- Is this a one-off, or is it part of a pattern?
- Does he usually check out emotionally or physically?
- Does he listen when you’re upset, or always shift the blame?
If this is recurring, it’s time to have a deeper talk — possibly with support (counseling, therapy, etc.).
People were shocked by the husband’s selfishness and felt he really needed to grow up
You’re not being unreasonable. You’re not demanding perfection. You’re asking for the bare minimum — a partner who parents when it counts, listens when you speak, and treats a family holiday like a shared experience, not a personal escape.
Let yourself be angry. Let yourself grieve the trip you hoped for. And when you’re ready — demand better. You deserve it.
If you want, I can help draft a message to him — calm, clear, no drama — that gets across how you feel without triggering defensiveness. Want that?