MIL Refuses to Stay Over Because “Our House Is Too Cold” — AIBU?

BySizzy
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We have a 5-month-old baby and we recently moved into a new home. The house is fairly energy efficient, with double glazing and good insulation. We are trying to manage our heating carefully to keep energy use low and maintain sustainable living at home. Our bedroom temperature is usually around 16°C in the mornings and evenings, and we turn the heating up when needed. On very cold nights, we also use small heaters in certain rooms.

The issue is that one bedroom feels much colder than the others, so we moved the baby and me into the spare room because it stays warmer and more comfortable. We thought this would be a better setup for baby sleep safety and comfort during colder weather.

However, my mother-in-law is very worried and says 16°C is too cold for both the baby and my husband, who has asthma. Because of this, she has said she does not feel comfortable staying over at our house. She has also been arguing about it with my husband and told me separately that she is losing sleep worrying about the temperature in the house.

Now I feel stressed and confused because her concerns are affecting my peace of mind, especially while adjusting to life with a newborn and a new home. My husband thinks I may be too sensitive to her comments. I am trying to understand if we are being unreasonable or if it is okay to make our own decisions about home temperature, baby care, and energy saving at home.

The poster shared that her husband allowed sparse use of the heater in their new home, so temperatures would be at 60.8°F (16°C), and even colder in their bedroom

Let’s break this situation down in a very simple way. There are a few main things going on here: baby sleep safety, room temperature, heating costs, home comfort, and family disagreements. All of these are mixing together and causing stress.

1. Safe temperature for a baby’s room

First, the good news — your baby’s room temperature choice is actually in a safe range.

Health experts like the NHS and child sleep safety groups recommend keeping a baby’s room around 16°C to 20°C for safe sleep and lower risk of overheating.

So if your room is around 16°C and your baby is dressed properly (like a vest, sleepsuit, and a safe sleeping bag), then this is generally considered safe for newborn and infant sleep safety.

You are not doing anything wrong here. You are following normal baby sleep safety advice.

2. Why the room feels colder than the rest of the house

Even in a modern home, some rooms feel colder than others. This is very common and usually linked to home insulation and heating balance.

A bedroom can feel colder because of:

  • Poor heat circulation in that room
  • A smaller or weaker radiator
  • Cold outside walls
  • Drafts from windows or doors
  • Heat not spreading evenly in the house

So even if the house is “okay” overall, one room can still feel much colder. This is why many people check home insulation tips or use small fixes like curtains, draft blockers, or better heating control.

3. Different comfort levels in families

Older family members often feel more cold than younger parents. So your mother-in-law may feel that 16°C is too cold for a baby.

Her worry may come from concern about:

  • Baby health
  • Asthma or breathing issues in the family
  • General comfort

But the important thing is this: parents make the final decisions for their baby’s care and home.

If you are following baby sleep guidelines and safe room temperature advice, then you are already doing what is recommended.

4. Family conflict and pressure

The problem is not just about temperature. It is also about family boundaries and stress in relationships.

Your mother-in-law refusing to stay or trying to push you to change your heating setup creates pressure. This turns a simple home issue into a family argument.

In healthy family relationships, it is okay to:

  • Listen to concerns
  • But still make your own choices in your home

You are allowed to manage your household heating costs, energy use, and baby care routine without outside pressure.

5. Finding a practical middle ground

To reduce stress, a few simple steps can help:

  • Use a room thermometer for baby room temperature monitoring
  • Show that the room stays in the safe 16–20°C range
  • Make sure your baby is dressed properly for sleep
  • Improve comfort with energy-efficient home heating tips, like curtains or draft blockers
  • Calmly explain your routine to family members

Sometimes seeing clear numbers helps reduce worry.

6. Setting healthy boundaries at home

It is okay to be kind but firm. You can say something like:

“We are following safe baby sleep guidelines, and we are comfortable with our home temperature.”

You do not need to argue again and again. Repeating your boundary helps reduce conflict.

Many people sided with the poster’s mother-in-law and felt that the climate she described in her home was far too cold

Final thoughts

You are trying to balance:

  • Safe baby sleep
  • Heating costs and energy use
  • Home comfort
  • Family expectations

That is not easy, especially for new parents.

But based on baby safety guidelines and home comfort standards, you are not being unreasonable. You are making practical choices for your home and your baby.

A little communication and clear boundaries can help reduce family tension and make things calmer for everyone.

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