AITA for Refusing to Cook for My Partner While Working 6 Weeks Straight with a 6-Hour Daily Commute?

She’s in her 20s, and honestly, she’s at breaking point. Between the stress of her healthcare degree, long commutes, weekend shifts just to cover bills, and an unsupportive partner… something’s gotta give.

She’s a mature student, hustling 4 days a week at uni, then pulling 8-hour shifts on weekends. Her commute? Brutal. Three hours each way. She’s out the door at 6 AM, dragging herself back home around 7 or 8 PM, completely wiped—physically and emotionally. That kind of exhaustion can break anyone.

But here’s where it gets worse. Her partner, who works 4 days on, 4 days off, still expects her to handle meal prepping and cooking—because apparently that’s “a woman’s role.” Yeah… major red flag. The one time she couldn’t take it anymore and said she wasn’t cooking after a soul-crushing day on placement, he barely tried. A half-hearted effort just to prove a point.

That moment broke her. She didn’t feel supported, not even loved. So she packed up and went to her dad’s house. Now she’s sitting there, drained, rethinking the whole relationship. Wondering if this is who he’ll be when they have kids. Wondering if she’s already seeing signs of a toxic relationship.

And she’s asking herself—am I crazy to think he should step up? Or is this actually a glimpse into something bigger, like outdated gender roles, lack of emotional support, and a pattern that could get worse with time?

Because honestly… when your partner adds to your stress instead of helping you heal, that’s not just relationship problems. That’s emotional burnout. That’s mental health on the line. And sometimes, that’s the universe telling you to pay attention to the red flags before it’s too late.

Cooking for your partner can be an act of love

But this woman is tired of being expected to do all the cooking in her household, even after working incredibly long hours

Gender Roles, Emotional Labor, and the Danger of One-Sided Relationships

The Burden of Emotional and Domestic Labor in Relationships

Here’s the thing… this is way bigger than just cooking dinner. What she’s dealing with is emotional labor and a total lack of relationship equity. And the crazy part? Research shows that even when women work just as many hours—or even more—than their husbands, they still end up doing most of the housework. That’s the trap of outdated gender roles in marriage, and her boyfriend is living proof of it.

Emotional labor is that invisible, unpaid work we do every single day. It’s not just cleaning or cooking—it’s managing the mental checklist of groceries, chores, planning meals, organizing the household… basically the stuff that keeps life running. And when one partner checks out, the whole load falls on the other.

So when her boyfriend has days off, but still refuses to cook, the message is loud and clear: he sees this work as her job. Even though she’s physically drained, emotionally burnt out, and juggling a demanding healthcare degree plus long commutes. That’s not partnership, that’s a one-sided arrangement.

The Warning Signs of a One-Sided Relationship

When one person carries all the effort, it eats away at the relationship. Here are some relationship red flags that are hard to ignore:

• Lack of Reciprocity: She’s grinding nonstop—uni, work, commuting—and still he won’t handle simple cooking on his free days. That’s not fair, that’s selfish.
• Weaponized Incompetence: His sad attempt at “cooking” (raw mince with tinned tomatoes) screams either zero effort… or a trick so she never asks again. Classic weaponized incompetence.
• Prioritizing His Comfort: He ignores her exhaustion, brushes off her stress, and gaslights her into believing she should just keep going. That’s emotional neglect.
• Controlling Behavior: He wants her to keep studying (because of the money she’ll make later), but still demands she cook and serve him now. That’s entitlement, not love.

Why This is a Red Flag for Parenthood

Here’s the scary part—they were actually planning to have a baby next year. And she’s finally rethinking it… which is smart. Because studies show that men who don’t do housework before kids are even less likely to help once the baby arrives.

Think about it: new moms end up doing 2–3x more of the domestic work than dads. And that’s while recovering from childbirth, losing sleep, and taking care of a newborn. If he won’t even cook when she’s already sick and drained, what are the chances he’s suddenly going to step up with a crying baby at 3 AM? Slim to none.

This isn’t just about housework—it’s about parenting stress, mental health burnout, and whether she wants to raise kids with someone who won’t pull his weight.

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Is His Behavior a Dealbreaker?

Some people might argue that chores can be negotiated, and compromise is part of every relationship. True. But this? This isn’t about compromise. This is about entitlement. His only apology came when she’d already packed up and left for her dad’s. And honestly, that feels less like regret… and more like fear of losing his free cook.

For a relationship to actually work, there has to be:

• Reciprocity – both partners helping out based on energy and capacity.
• Empathy – actually caring about each other’s struggles.
• Support – making life easier, not harder.

Right now, she’s drained. Her mental and physical health is already paying the price. Staying could mean a cycle of stress, resentment, and emotional burnout. Walking away though? That might not just save her—it could be the move that protects her happiness, health, and future.

Readers urged the author not to return to her relationship, warning that her partner’s behavior will probably never improve