SIL Keeps Scheduling Over My Events—Coincidence or Just Plain Disrespect?
When it comes to family events, planning around everyone’s schedules is already a headache—but what happens when someone repeatedly books their event on the same day as yours? That’s exactly the struggle one mom is dealing with as her sister-in-law (SIL) once again schedules a celebration that overlaps with her child’s major milestone.
Last year, OP’s (Original Poster’s) baby shower was upstaged when her SIL (then just her brother’s girlfriend) threw a surprise party for OP’s brother on the same day, despite already knowing about the baby shower. OP chalked it up to poor timing and tried to move on. But now, it’s her baby’s first birthday—a huge deal for any parent—and despite giving her brother and SIL the date ahead of time so they could plan around it, they still rescheduled their baby shower to the same date.
With hurt feelings bubbling over and a sense that her child keeps getting pushed to the side, OP wonders: Is this all just bad luck, or is there a pattern of disrespect here?
It’s always not that easy to have a relative who literally makes themselves a habit of making life difficult for you
The author of the post is planning to throw her son’s first birthday party soon, and is facing one serious issue – her sister-in-law wants to have her baby shower the same day
Alright, let’s talk about something that hits a little too close to home for a lot of people: family boundaries, event etiquette, and that gray area between miscommunication and downright passive-aggressive sabotage.
This story might seem like “just a scheduling issue” on the surface—but there’s a deeper emotional current here. OP’s not just upset about a date conflict. She’s feeling undervalued, ignored, and maybe even a little targeted. And if you’ve ever had family drama where it feels like your big moments keep getting overshadowed, you know exactly how much that sucks.
Let’s break this down by looking at some key points—and the psychology behind why this kind of thing cuts so deep.
1. Patterns Matter More Than Excuses
Okay, once? That’s annoying. Twice? Now it looks like a pattern.
This isn’t the first time OP’s SIL has planned something major on the same day as OP’s big moment. It happened during the baby shower. OP gave tons of notice—two whole months!—yet SIL still scheduled a surprise party that afternoon, knowing people would have to choose where to go.
Now, it’s happening again. This time with even more advance warning and even more emotional significance, because it’s a first birthday. OP’s brother even asked for the date in advance to avoid this kind of overlap. Then they went and scheduled their baby shower on the same day anyway.
That’s not a coincidence. That’s a choice.
2. When People Show You Their Priorities, Believe Them
The whole idea of “we moved the baby shower because she had to attend a wedding shower” might sound like a legit reason. But let’s zoom out.
This SIL had a three-month window to plan around. She already knew her nephew’s birthday party was locked in. Instead of protecting that date and showing some respect, she picked it because it was easiest for her. Everyone else’s availability trumped OP and her child’s milestone.
In families, there’s this quiet ranking system. And what OP is seeing—loud and clear—is that her child doesn’t rank very high in her brother and SIL’s world. It stings even more because SIL goes above and beyond for her own nieces and nephews—keeping them for weeks, showering them with gifts, and putting in serious effort. OP’s kid? Gets overlapped.
3. Event Etiquette: Yes, It Exists
Believe it or not, there’s such a thing as event etiquette, and overlapping personal celebrations is generally seen as a faux pas—unless it’s completely unavoidable. According to Emily Post’s etiquette guide, “Consideration for the host and guests should come first in scheduling private events.”
If someone’s already planning something important and you know about it, the polite thing to do is pick another day. Even more so when it’s a child’s milestone—especially a first birthday, which is a huge deal for parents.
And let’s not forget—OP made the effort to host the birthday party back in her hometown to make it easier for everyone else. She planned, coordinated, and communicated well in advance. In return, she got… overlapped. Again.
4. Passive-Aggressive Scheduling: It’s a Real Thing
Look, we’re not here to start a family war. But sometimes, people use “logistics” as a socially acceptable cover for doing shady things.
Ever heard of “event stacking”? It’s when someone schedules their own event to pull attention away from another. It’s subtle. It’s deniable. But it happens. A lot.
Some people just have a hard time sharing the spotlight. Especially if they’re about to enter a similar life phase—like becoming parents. It’s not unusual for new moms-to-be to feel like their baby should be the center of attention. So consciously or unconsciously, they try to re-center the focus.
That doesn’t make it right. But it might explain the behavior.
5. Feeling Overshadowed = Feeling Invalidated
OP mentions something big here: her son is the only grandchild in the family. That means this birthday isn’t just a cake-and-balloons thing. It’s a milestone for the entire family. And for that moment to be compromised—again—by the same person?
Yeah, that’s not just frustration. That’s grief. That’s feeling like your child doesn’t matter as much as someone else’s schedule.
And when you add in the extra context—like the SIL doing so much for her nieces and nephews but basically ignoring this one? That hurt starts to look less like a fluke and more like a pattern of exclusion.
6. Should You Confront or Let It Go?
This is the hard part. Because OP seems like a peacekeeper. She’s still planning to attend the baby shower. She still made the effort to adjust her party to the evening so people could go to both.
But the question is: should she keep letting this slide?
Here’s some advice from relationship experts like Dr. Ramani Durvasula: “When patterns of inconsiderate behavior emerge, confrontation isn’t conflict—it’s clarification.”
Maybe it’s time for a calm, private convo—not about dates, but about feelings. Like: “Hey, I’ve noticed a pattern and it’s starting to feel personal. Can we talk about how we can both celebrate without stepping on each other’s toes?”
And if that doesn’t go well? At least OP knows she tried. But also? Boundaries are allowed. And sometimes, pulling back is self-care.
Most commenters were sure the SIL did it on purpose and urged the woman to stop inviting her to any events
