When the Step‑Mom’s ‘Custodial Parent’ Posts Went Public I Called Her Out

I’m 17 M, and I recently uncovered that my dad’s wife (my step‑mom) has a public social‑media account where she portrays herself as the primary parent for me and my siblings — saying she has been raising us since we were toddlers, while our “birth giver” (our mom) barely figured into our lives. She says we ran away to our “birth‑giver” multiple times, the courts got involved, and she’s now this custodial parent who got a raw deal. In her posts she uses words like “birth giver” and “the kids I raised,” sharing photos of my 14‑year‑old younger brother (face un‑blurred) and giving step‑parenting advice.

In reality: our parents shared custody our whole lives. Dad worked out of town some days but the arrangement was not what she claims. She was never the primary parent. We also didn’t have a close, loving relationship with her. So when I found her page I got mad. I saved screenshots, showed them to our mom, then during one of her live videos I commented and exposed her for lying. I made my profile public so people could see images of me and my mom. She got furious, threatened our mom, and mom called police. Dad defended step‑mom and said she “loves us” so “what’s the big deal?” Now the siblings and I have moved to live with our mom full‑time. Dad’s side (his sister & BIL) say I humiliated her, acted spitefully, and a private talk would’ve been wiser. So I’m asking: AITA?

Many people are fabricating their personas online

As did this woman, whose stepson exposed her during one of her lives

So let’s unpack this. I’ll go through the different angles: the social/emotional side, the ethical side, and the legal/online‑media side. Because it’s not just “did I do the right thing with family issues,” but also “is it okay to expose someone’s lies on social media.”

1. Step‑parent dynamics & emotional complexity

Being a teenager living in a blended family isn’t easy. You’ve got a dad, a step‑mom, siblings, a biological mother (your mom) — and then when your step‑mom rewrites the narrative of your childhood publicly, it’s going to hurt. You said she claimed she “raised us since we were toddlers,” said our birth mom “abandoned us,” etc. That creates conflict and invalidates your actual experience.

When a step‑parent assumes (or asserts) the role of primary caregiver publicly but in reality wasn’t, that has emotional consequences. You feel mis‐represented. Your siblings likely feel the same. It’s not just about telling the truth — it’s about having your reality recognised. And from the sounds of it, you felt invisible or mis‐used in her story. That’s valid to feel.

You also mentioned she “hated mom” and started issues over small things (like mom not letting the kids stay with her when Dad was out of town for 5 days). That suggests there was a hostile or competitive dynamic between step‑mom and your mom. So your exposure wasn’t only about lies – it was about protecting the truth and perhaps your mom’s role, and protecting yourselves.

In blended families, step‑parents can play major positive roles, but when they claim something that isn’t true (the narrative of being the primary parent) it shifts power, alters reputations, and can damage trust. So your emotional reaction — annoyance, anger, wanting to correct it — makes sense.

2. Ethical question: Was the way you responded justified?

Here we ask: “Is exposing someone on social media okay? Was a private talk better? Did you cross a line?”

Pros of your action

• You found a story that was false (or at least hugely misleading) and you had evidence (videos, posts) showing the misrepresentation.
• By exposing her, you held her accountable. If she is giving advice to stepparents about how to treat kids, but her own story is false, that’s misleading to others too.
• You weren’t alone — your siblings and mom are also impacted. So you’re speaking out also for their reality.
• Given that she threatened your mom after you challenged her, it suggests the issue was serious enough to escalate. You may have prevented further harm.

Cons of your action

• The method: you made your page public, commented live, publicly shamed her. That might feel aggressive or “humiliating” from her side (and some family members agree).
• Did you consider first trying a private conversation? Some say that would’ve been “wiser.” A private talk may have given her a chance to correct things without public drama.
• Sometimes public exposure inflames the situation rather than resolves it. It can make family relationships worse and may feel to the other person like “attacking” rather than “correcting.”
• You used social media in a way that my‑strongly impacts reputations. That has weight.

So ethically: I lean toward your action being understandable and perhaps necessary if she was systematically misrepresenting and you had no other recourse. But yes — the way you did it might be seen by others as harsh or vindictive rather than purely corrective. It’s a mixed bag.

3. Legal/online media perspective: “public humiliation,” “online shaming,” “liability”

You made reference to her claims that you had “no right to intrude on her private space,” that “public humiliation is abusive,” etc. Let’s look at how the law and online‑media context treat these things.

Public shaming and social media

Public humiliation or online shaming is increasingly visible. Legally, there is no single “public humiliation law” in many places (especially in the U.S.). But these situations often fall under other torts: defamation (false statements harming reputation), invasion of privacy (public disclosure of private facts), intentional infliction of emotional distress (IIED). Minc Law+2Tech Optimised+2

Specifically:

• “What is the Legal Term for Public Humiliation?” explains how online posts that subject someone to severe ridicule may violate defamation, privacy rights, or emotional distress laws. Minc Law
• Social media liability exposures show that while posting is easy, the legal risks remain: defamation, harassment, privacy violations. NAIC
• Users’ legal rights when “named and shamed” online include remedies for reputation harm, emotional distress. Tech Optimised

In other words: yes, exposing someone publicly can carry legal and moral risks. That said, if your claims are true and you’re responding to her public narrative, you’re less likely to be in defamation territory — provided you stick to facts and don’t fabricate worse things.

Her claim vs your rights

She claims you intruded on her private space and publicly humiliated her. But:

• Her account was public. If she posts publicly, it’s arguable that she opened her narrative to public commentary.
• You’re responding to her statements — this is arguably a “speech” or “commentary” about her claims.
• If what you posted (comments, screenshots) are fact‐based (you discovered her lies, you posted evidence) then you’re not necessarily defaming.
• If you escalated to threats or harassment or editing out context to make her look worse, that could be more problematic.

Legal safe‑harbors and limits

Since much of social media law revolves around U.S. concepts (though your situation may be in Pakistan; local law may differ) some general points:

• In the U.S., online platforms have broad immunity under Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act: they aren’t generally liable for user‐content. Social Media Victims Law Center+1
• For you as a private user: there’s no guarantee you won’t face claims if someone says you defamed them, posted private facts, etc.
• However, truth is a defence to defamation. And commentary about public posts is generally protected speech.

So legally speaking: you’re probably on reasonably safe ground if you stuck to what you found (her public statements, your reality) and didn’t fabricate or exaggerate false claims. But you should be aware that there are risks in ranting publicly.

4. So: “Am I the asshole?”

Drawing it all together:

Yes, you had strong reason to challenge her:

• She was posting a public narrative you believe is false and hurtful.
• You were defending yourself, your siblings, and your mom’s role.
• Your step‑mom made the story public, shared identifiable images of your younger brother, and presumably used your lives as content for her self‑portrayal.

But yes, there’s potential fault in how you did it:

• Going public immediately rather than having a conversation may be seen as aggressive or spiteful.
• Publicly shaming someone can damage relationships, escalate conflict, and may feel to others like you attacked rather than sought resolution.
• Some family members say you acted “to humiliate” rather than purely “to correct.” That intention matters socially even if not legally.

My verdict: You’re not an asshole for exposing the lies — but you are somewhat an asshole for how you chose to do it (public shaming) without first trying less aggressive routes. In shorthand: you’re “NTA” (Not The Asshole) but you could’ve handled the approach better. If you had quietly asked for her to correct her posts, and gave her a chance to respond, it might have been smoother.

5. What you might do moving forward

• Consider requesting or encouraging your step‑mom to remove or correct the post. Provide evidence you have (screenshots, custody records) if needed.
• Keep your focus on what you want: truth, respect, clarity. If the goal is to move forward, public exposure may have triggered things but the healing comes next.
• Talk with your dad: ask why he defended her version and share your feelings calmly. Maybe there’s a misunderstanding or blind spot.
• Protect your siblings: younger brother’s face was un‑blurred. That raises privacy concerns. Maybe request that his identifying photos be removed or the account made private.
• Accept that relationships may be strained. Blended families have messy emotions — getting the story right is one piece, but rebuilding trust is another.

Commenters seemed to side with the stepson