WIBTA for Not Telling a New Guy I’m Actively Trying to Get Pregnant Via Donor?
Right before the pandemic hit, I made a major life decision: I was going to become a single mother by choice via artificial insemination. I’d been thinking about it for years, had gone through therapy, planned out the logistics, and emotionally accepted that I wanted to be a mom more than I wanted to wait around for a relationship. I had the clinic ready, support systems in place, and I felt totally at peace.
Then… lockdown. Everything froze. Clinics shut down. My timeline disappeared overnight.
So I shelved the plan and downloaded a dating app — mostly just to feel some connection. That’s where I met “G.” It’s only been a month, we’ve met twice, talked a bunch, and we’ve got a third date lined up. Early, yes. But something about him feels different. There’s chemistry, an ease, and honestly? A spark I haven’t felt in years.
Now here’s where it gets complicated: my fertility clinic just reopened. They called to say they could proceed this month if I wanted. And without hesitation, I said yes. I’m back on meds and my insemination appointment is next week.
But now I’m panicking. Should I tell G? Is it wrong to keep it quiet for now? Or will I blow up something that has potential by dropping this bomb too soon?
This woman made plans to become a mother while she was single
But after she started dating, she began to wonder if she was obligated to tell her new boyfriend that she would have a child soon
Let’s get real for a second: life is messy. And love doesn’t always come in neat timelines. Here you are — a woman choosing solo motherhood through artificial insemination while also unexpectedly vibing with someone new. It’s not something they prep you for in rom-coms, but it’s real. And your dilemma? It’s a big one.
Here’s what’s worth unpacking — based on real-world psychology, relationship dynamics, and the deeper stuff people don’t always say out loud.
1. You’re not lying — but silence can still be misleading
Right off the bat: you’re not the asshole. You didn’t plan to deceive him. You had a life plan already in motion, and now fate’s overlapping things. But even though you’re not actively lying, keeping something this significant under wraps can feel like a lie later on — especially if things get serious.
Think about this: in dating, especially in the early stages, you’re both figuring out if you fit into each other’s lives. If one person is actively trying to bring a child into the world, that’s a pretty big piece of the puzzle.
2. Timing matters — but so does intent
One month into dating is early. It’s fragile. You’re still discovering if G is a “good texter” or just another breadcrumb guy. So yeah, dropping “by the way I’m trying to get pregnant next week” might feel like a sledgehammer to whatever is starting to form.
But your intent isn’t malicious. You’re not trying to “trap” him or trick him. You just started a process for your future — and right now, he’s not a solid part of it. So the timing doesn’t feel right. That’s valid.
However, if you continue dating him and things move forward without telling him, then the silence becomes a choice. That’s when it can start to feel unfair — even if you didn’t mean it to be.
3. Honesty early on can scare the wrong people… and attract the right ones
Here’s the kicker: if G’s not someone who can handle the reality of your life and choices, better to know now than 3 months from now.
If you wait too long to tell him about your single motherhood journey, and he reacts badly, it’ll hurt more. You’ll feel betrayed and guilty. But if you’re upfront (in a respectful way), you give him the opportunity to process and choose. That’s mutual respect.
Search terms like:
- how to talk about artificial insemination when dating
- solo mom by choice and relationships
- navigating fertility treatments while dating
…all show one thing: You’re not alone in this. People are doing both — starting families and falling in love. But honesty is key to making both work.
4. You’re not choosing between motherhood and love — but you are prioritizing
Let’s say it clearly: You are allowed to prioritize becoming a mom. You’ve done the work, emotionally and practically. This isn’t a whim. This is a dream you’re following — and there’s nothing shameful about that.
G might be amazing. But no man should be given the power to derail your dream just because the timing is awkward. If he’s truly aligned with you, he’ll want to understand why this matters so much to you.
And if not? Then the universe saved you from a dead-end detour.
5. So… when and how do you say it?
Here’s one idea. Wait until your third date (or whenever feels comfortable). Frame it honestly and calmly. You don’t owe him a full medical breakdown — just the truth. Try something like:
“There’s something important I want to share with you. Before we met, I made the decision to become a single mom through artificial insemination. It’s something I’ve thought about deeply, and it’s something I’m actively pursuing. I didn’t expect to connect with someone right now, but I really enjoy spending time with you and wanted to be honest.”
It gives him space. It’s not an ultimatum. It’s just truth. And how he reacts will tell you everything you need to know.
6. You’re not wrong for protecting your peace
A friend told you that telling him now might “sabotage the potential relationship.” But here’s the thing: if the truth ends a relationship, it wasn’t a relationship that could handle the truth. Simple as that.
You don’t need to hide your fertility choices to be worthy of love. And if he’s someone who truly sees you, respects your agency, and understands your dreams — he’ll stay. Maybe not as a romantic partner, but at least as a person who admires your strength.
And who knows? Maybe he’ll become someone who wants to build something with you — even if the beginning wasn’t “traditional.”
7. Whatever happens, you’re already winning
Seriously. You’ve faced a tough choice. You’ve stood firm in your truth. You’ve made peace with being a solo parent — and now you’re navigating the wild world of dating while on fertility meds. That’s a lot. And you’re doing it with grace.
No matter what G says or does, you already chose you. And that’s badass.
Many readers agreed that it would be a terrible idea to keep this information a secret
So, WIBTA for not telling him right now? Maybe not this very second. But the longer you wait while still dating him, the more it becomes a “yes.”
Be honest. Not to protect him — but to honor you. You deserve someone who knows your truth and still wants to show up.
And if G bails? Then he was never your person. But you? You’re still a whole damn person — future mom, big heart, and all.
If you’d like, I can help you write the actual message you could say or text to G when you’re ready. Want help with that?