AITA for Responding to Weight Criticism by Saying “I Love Being Skinny”?
Diagnosing why Amanda was there is sorta besides the point Anyway, the OP recounts an event that happened at the birthday party of a friend whose character the OP claims — correctly, it seems — to be friends with some sort of emotional baggage from the years the friend had just ended. At previous events, Amanda, who is plus-sized, has always made snide remarks about OP being thin. This year, when Amanda said “God, you’re so thin”, OP smiled and with advice from their mother said “Well thank you.” I love being skinny.” Amanda slapped OP then left, which made the party ambiance awkward and uncomfortable.
Sounds a little awkward, huh? Maybe OP was right here, maybe he was being a little too passive aggressive. On the one hand, Amanda has a history of unsolicited comments about OP’s weight (more on this below), but OP’s comment was in response to an insult (albeit a perceived one), not an attack on Amanda’s body image. But the backlash from those attending the party indicates wider societal sensitivities around body image.
Whether positive or negative, it’s never okay to comment on someone else’s body
Unfortunately, this woman didn’t get the memo and caused quite the scene during a birthday party
Body Positivity, Social Dynamics, and Personal Boundaries
The Complexity of Body Image and Weight Commentary
Tiny, and also possibly complicated, people: Body image conversations are complicated. Where weight is both a personal and sensitive social issue, remarks regarding body size — be it for thin or big people — can bring insecurities. Thin-shaming (Amanda calling OP thin) can be as damaging as fat-shaming, for example. A study recently published in the Journal of Obesity has demonstrated that weight-based teasing causes psychological harm independent of size.
OP’s response was not inflammatory, but it hit Amanda’s insecurities. Research has found that the experience of internalized weight bias among people in larger bodies can further exacerbate these issues, increasing feelings of inadequacy if body size is the focal point of social interaction. Nonetheless, that does not excuse Amanda’s breath-taking physical reaction, which was a no-brainer crossing of a line.
Social Perceptions of Thinness vs. Plus-Size
And for many overweight people, the notion of ‘skinny is acceptable’ speaks to a culture that has a bias against those with larger body types. Traditionally, media and the fashion industry have glorified thinness and often expressed negative opinions about plus-size people. But norms like these have been challenged by the expanding body positivity movement that urges people to embrace all forms of body. Amanda may be experiencing emotional conflict in response to the changing cultural climate, where being thin is regarded as a ‘default’ privilege.
Yet putting one kind of body criticism above another fails to represent the movement’s principle of inclusivity. Thin-shaming Amanda re-entered that joke OP made of how their marriage might go, and OP’s own hurt feelings immediately took a backseat. In these dynamics, consent is key.
Navigating Conflict in Social Settings
For social groups, balance is essential to resolving conflicts. That blunt quality of OP’s response—given as a defense here—may have actually exacerbated matters. But Amanda had a history of comments about OPs weight that made it something that needed to be addressed. Another option available to OP could have been something more direct yet neutral, such as, “I really would like us to not comment on each other’s bodies,” which redirects the conversation, but is far less aggressive.
So legally and ethically, Amanda slapping OP was assault. And not an acceptable, nor provably justifiable, way to react, even in emotionally charged circumstances. Of course, there should be a limit on social boundaries and Amanda crossed this limit otherwise the things would not have taken this toll.
Most readers believed that the original poster’s reply was justified
It highlights the need for dialogue that is respectful of how we talk about body image and weight. Though perhaps an unwise comment from OP in light of Amanda’s insecurity and thus stupid, it was a comment made out of reaction and not out of malice. Though Amanda isn’t entitled to OP’s body, and OP’s physical action against Amanda was totally unwarranted, Amanda’s continual thin-shaming DID show some blatant disregard on her part for OP’s boundaries.
This is an environment that calls for far more straightforward dialogue and mutual respect, on the part of both blue-chip and activist alike. And weight or body image is an issue that should rarely if ever be used as part of an opening line: though it can — and should — be tackled gently, it can also feel like an undermining comment that belittles people and fails to empower them. Now, for social harmony, understand that all types of body-shaming are bad, irrespective of the social beliefs about size.