AITA for refusing to babysit during vacation, even though I have no other plans?

I (28M, single and child‑free) am heading to a week‑long stay at our family’s vacation house in Florida with my brother (32M), his wife & their 2 kids (8M and 5F), and my sister (26F), her husband & their kid (4M). We’re each paying our own way. A few days ago, my sister told me she and my brother had planned a “couples day” in the middle of the week (boat on the water + dinner) and asked if I could babysit all the kids for that full day. I said no. She kept pushing: I have “no plans” that day, so she argued I should help. I replied that I’m not a “kid person” and don’t want to spend the vacation babysitting—even one day. She got visibly annoyed, hung up on me, and now is texting me to change my mind. Parents used to do babysitting in past trips but this year they can’t come. I feel like I shouldn’t have to do it, but now I’m wondering if I’m the asshole for refusing to chip in once.

Many people assume that just because someone doesn’t have children, they are automatically available to pick up childcare or other responsibilities

The author’s family usually went to Florida for vacation, including his siblings and their families

Expectations and the “Vacation Babysitter” Role

It’s common for families on vacation to hire or designate a “vacation babysitter” so the parents can enjoy adult‑time while the kids are cared for. For example, a childcare blog says: “Hiring a vacation babysitter might be the secret ingredient to making your family getaway truly enjoyable for everyone.” ctrnanny.com The key is that this is planned ahead and agreed by all, with clarity about roles.

In your story, the role of babysitter was implicitly assumed of you—because you’re childfree, because you have “no plans”, and because you’re part of the group staying at the same house. The assumption: If you’re not a parent, and you’re there anyway, you’re available for childcare tasks during the vacation. This is a common dynamic, especially for child‑free adults among family groups. The article from Bored Panda about exactly this kind of scenario shows others being asked to babysit while on vacation, then labelled “selfish” for saying no. Bored Panda

But the fact you were never asked beforehand or given a clear role changes things. It was a last‑minute ask, for a full day, all the kids, during your paid vacation. That shifts the dynamic from “helping out voluntarily” to “expected duty”.

Boundaries, Child‑Free Adults & Family Dynamics

There’s nothing wrong with being child‑free. But there are often hidden expectations in families that child‑free people will step in. Because they don’t have kids themselves, the family might view them as a resource: “You have free time, you’re not busy parenting, help us out.” This expectation creates stress.

Research on family vacation dynamics notes that when children are involved, the “vacation” for adults often becomes work. One article says:

“If your job is childcare, then traveling with kids isn’t vacation at all.” Outside Online

In your case, you signed up for a vacation—not to be the default babysitter for an entire day. You’re being asked to trade your free time for someone else’s date day. That’s fair to debate.

Fairness & Reciprocity

Because you’re paying your way and coming on the vacation with expectations of your own downtime, you have the right to say “no” to a full‑day commitment. The siblings are asking for something big: one full day where you take full charge of 4 children (two kids + one kid + maybe overlap). That is not a small favour; it’s nearly a job. If they were asking for a couple of hours, or helping watch them while they all hike or something minimal, that might be more acceptable. But full‑day raises the expectation to “child‑minder”.

Also, fairness matters: If in past trips parents or other arrangements handled this, good. But this year you are being singled out. If you say yes, you may set precedent: “Oh you’re free, we’ll count on you again next time.” That might impact future vacations.

Communication and Setting Expectations

The conflict partly arises because the request came with implied judgement: “You have no other plans, so why can’t you help?” This frames your refusal as “being lazy” or “selfish”, which isn’t comfortable. You had to fend off guilt. That’s a red flag in boundary setting: when “helping” is expected rather than negotiated.

Good boundary‑communication looks like this: “We’d love your company for our couples day—but since we’re bringing the kids we’ll make arrangements (paid babysitter, rotate, etc.). If you’d rather relax or do something else, feel free.” That would allow mutual respect. But you got “you’ll watch”. That flips choice to duty.

Does Having No Plans Equal Having a Duty?

Your sister argued you have “no plans”, so you “should” babysit. But many commentary pieces point out that having free time doesn’t make someone obligated to serve others. Indeed, saying “I have free time, so help me” doesn’t automatically hold water. The Bored Panda article noted:

“Having free time doesn’t automatically make someone responsible for others.” Bored Panda

So yes: you’re allowed to decline. Free time = free choice. Not free labour.

The Emotional Complexity: Guilt, Family Pressure, and Resentment

You care about your nephews/niece. You like them. But you hate babysitting. That’s valid. You don’t want to bring resentment into a family vacation. If you said yes but spent the day unhappy, you might lose the relaxation you presumably came for. You might feel stuck. Resentment festers. Also your relationship with siblings could shift from “fun uncle/brother” to “their unpaid babysitter”.

The psychology article about family vacation drama says: much of the stress is hidden and rests in assumptions, unspoken roles and boundaries. Psychology Today Your refusal may trigger their frustration, but that doesn’t necessarily make you the bad guy. It means the underlying assumptions needed addressing.

So… Are You the A**hole?

Short answer: No—you’re not the a**hole for saying no. You are within your rights to protect your vacation, set boundaries, and avoid unpaid full‑day childcare you didn’t sign up for. Your request to treat the vacation as leisure stands strong.

However: The situation is still sensitive emotionally. Even if you’re right, your siblings may feel frustrated or disappointed. Their request isn’t entirely unreasonable—they did ask politely and your refusal disrupts their “couples day”. So while you aren’t morally obligated, there is a relational cost.

Netizens applauded the author for standing his ground, highlighting that the situation could make the trip stressful and uncomfortable for him

A good framing: You could say “I’m sorry but I can’t babysit all day that day—I planned this vacation to relax too. I’m happy to help in a smaller way, maybe an evening or a couple of hours if that works.” This shows you’re not rejecting helping altogether, just not the full‑day expectation.

Ultimately AITA verdict: NTA (Not the Ahole)**. Your boundary is valid. With that said, you may want to offer a compromise to ease family tensions and avoid future assumptions of “you’ll babysit”.