“AITA for my reaction to the secret my boyfriend kept for four years?”

You are not the bad guy in this situation. A 29-year-old woman (let’s call her Emily) was in a long-term relationship with her 34-year-old boyfriend (let’s call him Alex). From the beginning of their relationship, Emily expressed her desire to have children. Alex was supportive of this plan. Over the years, their discussions about starting a family became more serious, leading them to actively try for a baby.

Despite their efforts, Emily was unable to conceive, which led to significant stress and self-esteem issues. She sought medical advice, only to discover that her fertility was fine. The fertility clinic suggested that Alex also undergo testing. It was during this period that Alex admitted he had undergone a vasectomy four years prior, which he had kept secret. He had chosen not to reveal this because he feared Emily would end the relationship.

Emily felt betrayed and devastated. She had been led to believe that their difficulties conceiving were her fault, not realizing that Alex’s secret was the underlying issue. Alex’s admission came after months of trying to get pregnant and suffering emotional distress. In response to the revelation, Alex offered to reverse his vasectomy and try for a baby for real. However, Emily decided to end the relationship, feeling that trust had been irreparably broken.

Following their breakup, Emily has been receiving pressure from Alex and his family to reconsider. They argue that everyone makes mistakes and suggest that she should forgive him, given his willingness to reverse the vasectomy. Despite their pleas, Emily is firm in her decision, concerned that the foundation of their relationship has been compromised and unsure of how to rebuild trust.

In this situation, Emily is not in the wrong for feeling hurt and choosing to end the relationship. Her desire for children was a significant part of her life plan, and Alex’s deception about his vasectomy directly affected her emotional well-being and future plans. The advice from his family to forgive him may not fully acknowledge the depth of her feelings or the impact of his actions on their relationship.

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