"WIBTA if I broke off my engagement because my future in-laws ran a background check on me?"

In this situation, the individual is facing a significant dilemma regarding their engagement due to the actions of their future in-laws. The person, who resides in the Western US and has been in a loving relationship with their fiancée for several years, recently became engaged. However, the situation took an unexpected turn when their fiancée’s parents informed them that they had conducted a criminal background check without their consent. The parents insisted on a meeting to discuss the results, which was presented as a requirement rather than a request.

This revelation has deeply unsettled the individual, who perceives the background check as a serious invasion of privacy and a breach of trust. Despite having no criminal history apart from minor traffic violations, they find the demand humiliating and worry about the implications for their future relationship with their fiancée’s family. The individual acknowledges the need to discuss this issue with their fiancée, as it raises concerns about the family’s boundaries and behavior moving forward.

Upon receiving this unexpected request, the individual sought advice on whether their reaction was justified or if they were overreacting. They questioned whether this action by their future in-laws signaled a deeper issue or was merely an overly cautious parental concern (“Shovel Talk”). Recognizing the gravity of the situation, they expressed a desire to handle the matter delicately and jointly with their fiancée, who was equally surprised and baffled by her parents’ actions.

As the individual weighs their options, including potentially breaking off the engagement if the issue cannot be resolved amicably, they are navigating complex emotions and evaluating the future of their relationship with their fiancée and her family. The outcome hinges on their ability to communicate openly and establish mutual understanding and respect regarding personal boundaries and privacy concerns.

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