A 17-year-old individual is grappling with a complex family situation involving their 14-year-old sister, who has been diagnosed with sarcoma, a type of bone/tissue cancer. The siblings have different cultural backgrounds, with their father being Pacific Islander and their mother being white. The parents divorced when the individual was young, and the siblings were separated, with the 17-year-old living with their father until age 11 and then moving in with their mother, while the younger sister stayed with their mother throughout.
Recently, the sister began chemotherapy, which resulted in hair loss. To support her, the mother suggested that the 17-year-old shave their long hair, which extends below their waist, to make a wig for the sister. However, cutting hair is a significant cultural tradition in their father’s family, reserved for mourning the death of a family member. The 17-year-old expressed a desire to uphold this tradition and also mentioned a personal attachment to their long hair, having grown it out since childhood.
Despite the explanation, the mother and sister insisted that the 17-year-old should shave their hair, viewing the tradition as less important than the sister’s current needs. The sister’s pleas and the mother’s pressure have led to tension, with the sister feeling unsupported and hurt. The 17-year-old, who has been actively helping their sister throughout her illness, feels conflicted and hurt by the accusation of not caring, given their efforts to support her in other ways.
The question posed by the 17-year-old revolves around whether they are in the wrong for not agreeing to shave their hair, considering the cultural significance and personal attachment they have to it, versus the emotional support the sister seeks during her battle with cancer.
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