He Said He Was Natural… Now We Can’t Have Kids – AITAH for Being Enraged?
When we get married, there’s an unspoken pact—loyalty, truth, and shared dreams. For one woman, that dream was starting a family. But what happens when the person you trust most lies—not just about something small—but about something that could destroy your future together?
In this emotionally raw post, a 30-year-old woman shares how she found out her 36-year-old husband had secretly been taking testosterone. Despite swearing years ago he was done with it—and promising again before their wedding—she discovered he’d been back on it as recently as two weeks ago. Now, fertility tests have revealed the heartbreaking result: he’s infertile. Zero sperm count. And instead of owning up, he’s turned it around—claiming she’s the one overreacting. Is she wrong for being furious? Or is this a betrayal too big to forgive?
This woman’s bodybuilding husband swore that he stopped taking Testosterone when they got married
But now that they’re trying to have a child, the truth has come out
Alright, let’s unpack this. Because it’s not just about hormones—it’s about lies, trust, fertility, and the long-term effects of choices we think are temporary.
💉 Testosterones and Steroid Use: What’s the Real Deal?
First, some basics. Testosterone is the primary male sex hormone and plays a big role in muscle growth, libido, energy levels, and sperm production. Sounds like a win-win, right? Well… not so fast.
When you take synthetic testosterone (often used by bodybuilders to bulk up), your body actually reduces its own natural production. It’s like your body says, “Hey, we’re good, someone else is handling it.” The pituitary gland stops sending the signal to make more testosterone—and that signal is also what triggers sperm production.
And here’s the kicker—long-term use can shut that system down completely.
So when this husband says he’s been using testosterone “on and off,” what he’s really been doing is gambling—with their fertility, their relationship, and frankly, his health.
🧪 Azoospermia: The Harsh Reality of Zero Sperm Count
The term used in her story—no sperm—has a name: azoospermia. There are two types:
- Obstructive azoospermia – where sperm is made, but blocked from getting out.
- Non-obstructive azoospermia – where the testicles aren’t producing sperm at all.
When it’s due to steroid use, it’s almost always the second one.
Doctors often see fertility bounce back in 3-4 months after stopping testosterone—but not always. For some men, especially after long-term use, recovery can take 12+ months. And sometimes… it doesn’t come back at all.
That’s what makes this so serious. They’ve been actively trying to conceive, all while he knew there was a big chance he’d tanked his sperm count. That’s not just “a mistake”—that’s deception.
🔁 The Trust Factor: When Lies Stack Up
Let’s rewind. The wife asked early on: are you natural? He said yes. Years later: “Well, I was on T before, but not anymore.” Then she found the testosterone. Again: “I’ll stop. I promise.”
That’s three major lies.
And not small ones either. This isn’t hiding a cheat day on a diet. This is hiding something that could literally make or break their dream of being parents.
What hurts most isn’t even the infertility—it’s the betrayal. She made it clear from the start that this was a dealbreaker. He agreed. And then… ignored it.
So when he now says, “You knew my history, this shouldn’t be a shock,” it’s gaslighting 101.
🧠 Emotional Toll: Her Anger Makes Sense
This woman isn’t mad because she’s impatient. She’s mad because:
- He violated a core boundary.
- He risked their family future.
- He continued a behavior knowing it could hurt them both.
- He didn’t tell her—even while they were actively trying to get pregnant.
That’s not an overreaction. That’s a completely normal response to a massive breach of trust.
And let’s not forget—when she found out, she comforted him first. Only after piecing together the timeline and catching the lie did her anger show. That speaks volumes about her character.
🧬 Medical Insight: Can Sperm Count Recover?
Okay, let’s talk recovery.
If he actually stops taking testosterone now, there’s a chance his sperm production might come back. Doctors typically recommend:
- Stopping all androgens/steroids
- Using Clomid (a fertility drug for men that boosts hormone production)
- HCG therapy (to help restart natural testosterone and sperm production)
- FSH therapy (if other options fail)
But it’s a slow process. And again—not guaranteed.
Some studies (e.g. The Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism) show that in chronic users, sperm recovery can take 12-18 months. In rare cases, fertility doesn’t return at all.
So when he says, “Let’s just move forward,” what he’s really saying is, “Let’s pretend my choices didn’t matter.”
⚖️ Ethical Angle: Consent and Reproductive Autonomy
There’s another layer here—reproductive consent. This woman agreed to try for kids under the assumption that he was fertile. That’s part of the emotional and physical contract of a marriage.
By hiding the truth, he removed her ability to make an informed decision about when and how they’d try to conceive. That’s not just dishonest—it’s unethical.
There’s even a legal angle. In some places, knowingly hiding fertility-impacting drug use while trying for kids can be used in divorce or custody battles as a sign of bad faith.
👩⚖️ Real Cases: This Isn’t Just One Story
Cases like this have popped up in courts and forums before. In 2017, a Texas woman sued her ex-husband after finding out he had been secretly using anabolic steroids, which had affected both his behavior and fertility. The court found in her favor, citing “intentional misrepresentation.”
In Reddit’s own AITA archives, you’ll find dozens of stories where secret testosterone use destroyed trust, health, and marriages. The common thread? Lies hurt more than the drugs themselves.
👀 So… AITAH?
No. You’re not the a**hole. You’re the betrayed partner who set clear boundaries, trusted someone who repeatedly broke them, and now faces a heartbreaking reality because of it.
You’re not mad about “one mistake.” You’re mad about years of broken trust, lies, and disrespect. And that anger? It’s not only valid—it’s healthy.
You have every right to be furious. Every right to question your future with someone who keeps choosing his image over your shared dreams.
Healing from this won’t be easy. But don’t let him gaslight you into thinking you’re the problem.
Because you’re not. 💔
Some readers were brutally honest with the woman, noting that it won’t be easy for her husband to quit cold turkey
