MIL throwing us out of Christmas to make room for BIL’s in-laws
Our first Christmas ruined by OP’s MIL after last minute uninvited OP, who had VLC with MIL thanks to her exclusionary behavior for years, and her husband (DH) decided to hold out hope and spend Christmas with MIL. But, they reiterated their plans over and over again, MIL actually said to me there would be room, and sent me a bunch of messages how excited she is for their visit. But after sending MIL invited us two days drive up, MIL rescinded the invitation for these other guests: OP’s sister-in-law (SIL1) mother and MIL’s mother.
So this took OP and DH by surprise, finding them trying to find a place to stay during a high travel season, as they also struggled with feelings of betrayal and being excluded. This shows not only a lack of foresight, but it also appears to reinforce a pattern in which MIL puts OP and DH last.
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Image credits: Unsplash (not the actual photo)
OP references a history of exclusion, notably an incident where MIL deliberately left them out of family photos. Such actions can signal underlying favoritism, which can be emotionally damaging. Research on family dynamics suggests that perceived favoritism by parents or in-laws can lead to lasting resentment among siblings or extended family members (Blum & Meadows, 2020). MIL’s prioritization of SIL1’s family over OP and DH aligns with this pattern, compounding feelings of being undervalued.
MIL’s repeated assurances that there was enough space—despite knowing SIL1’s plans had changed—indicate either poor communication skills or a lack of consideration. A 2019 study in the Journal of Family Relations highlights how consistent communication breakdowns within families can lead to mistrust and emotional distancing. OP and DH may need to establish firmer boundaries to prevent further incidents, such as requiring written confirmation or limiting reliance on MIL for major holiday plans.
